Lately there have been some changes in my life like always. When on this path as God as your center stagnancy doesn’t really exist. This is a season where I’m seeing and learning things from a new perspective about myself. God is so good, there’s no one who can ever ever compare to the glory of the Lord’s. I’m so grateful and humble by his love because without him I would be so worse off.
Let my start of by explaining how yesterday was my first day of counseling session. God used Regina Ann* as a vessel to guide me towards using spiritual counseling. Thank you God for everything, it allowed me to understand that my focus needs to be on healing and pressing forward. I was so against speaking to someone especially a counselor of any kind. I thought that I didn’t need it and I was good. Smh, boy is God teaching me. The counselor hit it hard for me when he said that the reason why I am constantly crying and dealing with anxiety is because I am not allowing Jesus to enter into my heart. That’s deep because that’s definitely not what I want to have with my relationship with Christ. He is my savior and my deliverer. So I definitely have to get to the place that God wants me to be in. Letting go of my past is the main reasons along with various other ones. God has also been showing me how they are many people around me who love me and are there for me. God is so good.
So I’m unemployed and most of my bills cannot be paid. I am trusting on God to show me his ways of working them out. I recently got my Verizon cable bill cut off. My sister has been very disrespectful and nagging about the bill. She is very selfish and wants the television back on because her favorite shows are coming back on from hiatus, and she wants to see them. God has been giving me strength through this because I have been suggesting for her to go to Starbucks or wherever she can get Wi-Fi and used the laptop. She felt that she shouldn’t have to go somewhere to get the Wi-Fi but she should get it at home. She was really acting ungrateful and not understanding that maybe God is pushing her outside of her comfort zone. She didn’t see it that way, she was able to get some money and have the services partially restored. The thing is I am in a space where I can say this is my current situation. Sometimes the season that we are in occurs because God wants us to focus on the invisible, which is where he is. Focus on getting creative. I don’t have Internet at home, so I go to a local coffee shop or even my best friend’s house. God is always providing ways and opportunities for his children. That is why he is “our Father, who art in heaven”. God is always having ways to create moments of happiness and adventures in our lives when he is truly at our center.
My current fiscal situation has allowed me to see how God always provide. I have been meeting amazing people along this path of my life. My current season has have me come across many of my sisters in Christ who have been reaching out to me, and just been so helpful in providing me with job applications. They are so sweet and sincere, and it just warms my heart how helpful they have been.
My mother on the other hand is pushing us to get a job anywhere, but God has place it in my heart to work with children and become a tutor; therefore, wherever he is leading me I shall follow, I’ve been taking bible foundation courses so that I can become a member at my church and serve in the ministry. One is with the kids’ ministry and the other is with the young adults. It’s crazy because I have a background in sales and business administration. At first when I was receiving this call, I didn’t believe it because I was like is this something that God truly wants me to do or am I even able to do this. But there’s nothing that God has not bring you to that you are not prepared for. Therefore, I know I have to trust on the Lord because he knows what he is doing. I remember when I thought that I wasn’t good with kids and God used so many vessels along the way to tender my heart and show me how falsely that was. He used Arianna, Regina Ann’s niece to begin to tender my heart and ever since that day I’ve held a soft spot for both her and her older sister Athena, and just want to be a part of building the spiritual foundation of kids. Seeing children get excited to learn and recite the scriptures and get active during praise and worship can warm anyone’s heart. To be a part of that teaching and development will be a joy to experience. Being a tutor and serving in the ministry is a calling that I know God is harvesting me for.
Another thing happening in my life are my feelings for Jackson*. They have been deepening and intensifying. Like I got butterflies in my stomach the other day. He seems like a great man of God, that I am starting to fall in love for. I truly believe that I am falling even more in love with him. Actually I am. This is so new to me; it’s actually new for all four of us: Harper*, Regina Ann, Jackson and myself. Harper and Regina Ann are in a similar situation like Jackson and myself. We are all learning as we go, trusting and having faith in God as he directs our steps. It is never a dull moment, but how can it be when God is bringing sons and daughters from different walks of life to come together on this journey. How exciting! God knows us better than we know ourselves. He knows our ways and knows what our heart truly desires. That’s why he is our Abba. We are just taking it to God and focusing on the vertical. Because that’s all we should be focusing on, is our relationship with God.
Lately, I also have been cleaning my closet out. I feel like God has been calling me to rid of everything that is worldly or even that just doesn’t fit. I’ve lost some pounds so certain clothes don’t look good on me anymore, but honestly many of them never did. I had a lot of tops or dresses with stripes on them. Regina Ann told me “what’s up with all the stripes? You must have thought that you were in a prison. To be honest before Christ I was. Now that I have Jesus as my center there is freedom.
My faith continues to increases. Writing in my journal has been something that I am working on doing more of. I want to write out what has been happening to me especially since I recently became a born again on June 1st, 2014. This path has been showing me a lot of things and I give God all the glory. I want to be able to look back and see what was I doing during this journey that I am on.
I’m giving this all to God and just having him carry me through. That is why I am choosing With Everything by Hillsong United because “with everything” that is going on in my life I know that God is with me. God has all of my burdens and I’m praising him through it all. God got this and he is the only one I need, I know that God will all things out. That’s why I am in awe of God’s glory because I am so unworthy of it. I just want God to continue to wrestle with me and humble me. Constantly wanting to die in self, it is not about Wynee, it’s about Jesus. It’s about expanding the Kingdom of God. Whatever occurs next I know to have faith and believe in God, because his hands are on all of his children. We are his sons and daughters. He has the best for us in preparation, all we have to do is say yes to his will.
Thanks for reading! Happy Listening! God Bless! Xo
(* Denotes name change for privacy reasons)