There is nothing like clean hair. That so fresh fresh, so clean clean feeling is everything! I am learning how to manage my own hair and trust me it is a process. But it is also teaching me how to love myself and have some TLC with my hair. Before I used to go to the salon and get it done. Now I don’t go as often because (A) limited funds, and (B) God is teaching and putting the passion of taking care of hair in my heart. Since I have been a follower of Christ, I have been learning so many things about myself.
God has been teaching me how to love myself and be the CEO of Wynee. Wynee learning how to be her own cheerleader was not something she knew of until Regina Ann* mentioned it. Being my own cheerleader, trusting my gut and instincts those used to be such foreign concepts to me. I did not know how to do that before I was saved. That is because I used to seek validation from others. It is crazy how when you are on this path you begin to learn how to love yourself because you know and accepted that God loves you first and foremost. God has been removing all elements that block me from loving Wynee. The first was donating my clothes. That was huge because it allowed me to be in the space to trust God with everything especially with giving me a whole new wardrobe. There were days that I would enter into deep sadness and just get upset over how I did not have any clothes. Thank God that I am no longer in that space because it comes off as ungratefulness. I am worried about materialistic things when there are girls out there in third world countries being sold and used as property basically trapped in trafficking. That was not the way to act. Thank God that He wrecks me in that aspect.
The next thing was my hair. Like I said, I am learning how to give it some tender-loving-care especially since I am heavy-handed. I am learning how to be more soft and gentle. Loving on my hair and treating it not only has this made my hair thicker and healthier; but it has also pushed me outside my comfort zone with not being afraid to have not typical straight hair that you get from the salon. God has put me in the space where I am not define by my hair. I am able to be just the daughter to the King that he has called me to be. This hair ordeal although, may not seem like a big deal to outsiders, but my immediate family has been very vocal about this. The fact that I have not been putting the heat and weaves/extensions in my hair has lead them to say that “I am no longer beautiful” and “I do not know how to take care of myself anymore”. It is pretty pathetic to say the least that my family does not know how to love someone from within the heart and just allow me to find the path that God wants to take me. Their words used to hurt, but God has taught me forgiveness towards my parents. So now their words no longer do hurt. To God is the Glory!
Earlier today when I was on the phone with Regina Ann, she brought up something that lead me to tears. Why do people choose to treat others differently? That is a question that probably always gets asks, but the response are too many. My response was because we are often judge by first glance. Now Regina Ann has done so many awesome adventures. She told me how she once did a road trip with a group of girlfriends that she knew at the time and had fun throughout the entire thing. Who does not want to go on a road trip with a bunch of friends? I was kind of hurt that I never had the chance to go. Looking back on it now, it was like I was saying that I never will, I basically belittled and doubted that it can never happened in my future with the right people. I am fool, and cannot just see the bigger picture sometimes. I did not even allowed myself to say or think that maybe God was saving me from going on a road trip with the wrong people. I guess that this is what happens when you allow yourself to be consumed by the temporary state that you are in. You fail to believe that there is a brighter future out there for you because you are stuck on what you did not get the chance to experience. Now looking back and writing this out, I act and think that my life is over because I did not get to do this or that. When really my life has just began because it has Jesus at the center.
I have been hiding from the truth, which is I was not in the space to do any of these things. I was not mentally prepared, but most of all I was not a Christian. Now that I am on this path, God becomes my key focus on what does he need me to do or where does he want me to go. It cannot be about what I did not get to do, because there are many who are not as fortunate as I am.
God has been opening up my eyes to see things in a whole new light. I am more focus on forgiving and moving on from my past because God has amazing things that he wants to bless me with. Someone said something to me the other day that really opened up my eyes to see things from a new perspective. “You cannot allowed yourself to be hampered by your past. You have to learn forgiveness and learn how to really love yourself because that is the only way that God can continue to bless you and not holdout on the blessings that he has for you”. Deep right? Yeah. It was like another bubble pop. God used Suzie* as a vessel on that night. I cannot say that enough. He is talking to me to tell me to always choose love. God knows what I have gone through, he knows my future; however, God does not want me to get caught up in my own selfishness, and just let it all go, and trust him and his timing.
I love how everyday that I have breath is another day where God heals and removes all things that do not better me. Everything I have went through or I am going through is all part of a bigger plan that God has for me. Did I always see things that way? Of course not. I am flawed and have made mistakes plenty of times, but along the way the one thing that will always remain constant is that I choose Jesus. I will leave it all behind for thy savior.
Being that this is a Thanksgiving Holiday weekend. It definitely feels like I am not same Wynee that I used to be last year. This Wynee knows the importance of the holidays in not thinking of herself, but thinking about others. To pray for others and not be focus on about her current situation, but more aware of her siblings in Christ.
I cannot no longer hide from my truths or past because that will just be the hindrance from me being the cheerleader not only for myself, but also more importantly for others. I am thankful that God has pushed me out of my hiding from my truths, but teaching me how to love and be the CEO for Wynee. After all it’s about time she wakes up right? Especially since God has called her and will be using her for the big plans that he wants to do. I patiently wait on God, because he knows my eagerness to expand his kingdom; nevertheless, that has to come after realizing that I need to stop hiding and focusing about what I have not done or used to do. God knows why certain events took place and occurred in my life. I am now knowing that I should just be thanking God and be grateful that throughout everything that I have been through before being saved, God always delivered and provided. But now that I am saved, I have doubted him. I do not know why I choose to continue in this loop, but God is showing me that it will end only when I decide to be really honest with myself.
Upon writing out this post, I discovered that I have dyslexia. Which is something that I have been masking throughout my adult life due to my alcoholism. Through the grace of God I have been seven months sober. Please continue to keep me in prayers, as I continue to pray for you my brothers and sisters who are reading this post. The healing and recovery truly begins once you give your life over to Jesus. I have learn so many things about myself and have rejected the lies of the enemy all because God has redeemed me and has said that “I am fearfully and wonderfully made. “
I once was blind, but now I see. I am out of hiding due to the rescuing from my savior.
Out of Hiding, which is a song that I came across during when one of the artists that I followed on social media posted the song as what they were currently listening to. The artist Steffany Gretzinger, whom I have not heard of until recently, really speaks out the trust and deepness that comes from being in love. God loves us so much that he wants us to be bold and to be used as vessels for his glory, which can only happen when we allow ourselves to have him in our hearts completely. Me finding out that have dyslexia is coming out of hiding because I know that God is going to used this learning disability that I have and show the world how he can bypass anything. There are the limitations that society tries to place on us, and then there is God who has no bounds or limits. Out of Hiding is a song about how when God takes you out of the dark places that you used to be in, he is going to recover and fix you to the pillar that you are meant to be. I am not ashamed about being dyslexic, because I know that there is a sibling in Christ who may be ashamed about theirs and is living in secret, hiding from this others. There is nothing that you need not to be in ashamed of when you have God. He is the “lighthouse when you are lost at sea”. He is the key that will unlock your chains. He is the one that will truly and solely take you “Out of Hiding”.
Thank you for reading! Happy listening and God bless! Xo
(*denotes name change for privacy reasons)