“I’m no longer a slave to fear because I am a child of God….” This song just sparks the chains breaking off from me. No longer a slave to anything of this world, choosing to trust God instead and letting him in my heart. Lately there has been a lot of discomfort from me hearing the truth. The truth of how I battle so much these past couple of days and how I allowed the enemy to win instead of choosing the spirit. I was in no rush to fight and be bold for God. I instead was doing quite the opposite, I was just listening to both sides of spectrum and seeing which best suited my flesh. I didn’t want to see that I was making decisions to go against everything that was for the betterment of choosing God.
“From my mother’s womb you have chosen me, love has called my name….” I didn’t like when I was told that I’m a catalyst, the one who is meet to lead my sisters out of their vicious cycle that was pulling them away from God. I didn’t think I should be the one who personally deal with taking them out of the season that they are in. I wanted to stay in my known funk and continue to do what I’ve been doing. Serving two masters. I was praising God and serving, while I was looking for validation in my siblings and in man.
I don’t even want to write this post. I just want to fall into a deep somber and wake up when everything is over with and supernaturally removed. Cherry picking what God is telling me to do. I just wasn’t feeling like I have to post another blog. That’s the frustrating part of battles, making the conscious decision to pick one side and stick with it. It’s like when I made the decision to follow Christ.
“You unravel me with a melody, you surround me with a song….” Exposed me to the point that I could no longer go in hiding. Those who are closest to me and are now being equip by God to speak words of life into to me, made me more uncomfortable. To change me Naomi*, Regina Ann*, and Daniel* all have a role in my life and God no longer allowing me to isolate from them or tune them out. God began to change me and I had no say in the matter in how I was being pruned or transformed. That infuriated me, but I didn’t even know this was the emotion that I was displaying to God, I just wanted things done my way. I basically wanted to get save and do all the things that I wanted to do. I battled every day with comparison, me versus my sisters. I didn’t like that they were able to do all the things that they did when before they were saved and I felt stuck in a box of cannot do anything. The mind warped of I’m going to somehow make things happen was all a delusion because God would cop block each and every single time, whether it be me escaping or avoiding, God would just blocked it all.
“I’m no longer a slave to fear, I am a child of God…” A part of me didn’t want to live being a child of God. I stopped fighting. I stopped trying to follow and chase after God. I began to revert back to leaning on my own understanding. Leaning on my flesh. I began to think that this was the way to live, but God and you know when there’s a but God in anything he’s flipping things around. But God began to halt all of that. He used my siblings in Christ to get me to see the vomit of a mess I made. To see how I needed to change my ways. All of my ugly habits began to spill over on to my job and just everything that I became involved in. It became very hard to hear God’s voice and be in his presence. I wanted to walk away from being His child. I wanted to just be angry and depress because that was all I knew. I didn’t want to fight off these emotions. The fight that I constantly was battling with.
“I am surrounded by the arms of the father, I am surrounded by songs of deliverance……” Then the turning point happened, I don’t know how or when but it did. My siblings pouring into me began to shape me and push to fight. The moment that I began fighting was when I got the called to be one of the few selected to present their cardboard testimonies this past Friday at MVMNT. That’s what happens when the songs of deliverance becomes your choice track song instead of the repeated broken record of sorrow.
We’ve been liberated
From our bondage
We’re the sons and the daughters
Let us sing our freedom
You split the sea
So I could walk right through it
My fears were drowned in perfect love
You rescued me
And I could stand and sing
I am a child of God…
This is my favorite part of the song, sung by Bethel Music off their We Will Not Be Shaken (Live) Album. It’s the part where the drumming gets louder and harder. The beat gets somewhat stronger and my heart pounds along like its part of the audience when the group was performing this live. It’s such an anthem of being freed from everything that God has totally taken me away from. I no longer can act like I don’t know who I am to God. His child. I can no longer can be disobedient. I no longer to give into fear or cherry pick my obedience. I can no longer do anything that separates me from God, and he won’t allow it. This past Friday at MVMNT I felt a brush of his wind breaking the chains that I was trying to keep on me. No longer the same from that moment forward. No longer a slave from that moment forward. From that moment I proclaim that
“I am a child of God”
Thanks for reading! Happy listening!
(*Denotes name change for privacy)