4/24/16

Father God, I can’t seem to read the Word right now. I can’t seem to grasp, or understand anything. I’m just looking at words staring back at me. Please heal my mind God. Please heal me. There’s a lot of pressure, that I put on myself; because I don’t want to fail, or not be able to understand. I feel so distant, and lost from you right now. I just need you. I need your touch, and understanding. I didn’t pray about going to that meeting on Sunday. I am sorry about that. And there was a wrestle, with me to not fall asleep in the church. I’m sorry about those moments that I did God. I’m just trying. I’m calling on to you, saying God please stop it, please heal me. I need you to heal me, because I need your healing to feel like I’m “normal” again. To not feel so alone, in this. Father God, how I need you. I just need you, when it feels like doing everything is so hard for me sometimes. It’s hard, to understand what people are saying or explaining. It’s hard, to grasp what’s suppose to be the next thing, that I have to do. I have difficulty with focusing, and concentration. Father God, please heal my mind, and my body. I am so hard on myself, because I feel that it will stop people, from treating me how they do; and I would no longer seek validation from them. I’m mean to myself, and somehow I convinced myself, this is the way to push myself to better, smarter and ask questions; and to know what to do. It’s hard God, it’s really hard being, in this space that I am in. I feel like I’m failing you. I am in need of you God. What is it that I’m not doing? You are the One, that I constantly run to, because I need you. 


Since your love got a hold of me

Since your love got a hold of me

I’m a new creation

I’m forever changed

4/24/16

Father God, I’m afraid to be the messenger of Christ, that you are calling me to be. It’s terrifying and feels so lonely. Spreading the gospel when I see those around me living their lives. I want to do the same, but then I realize that my life is not my own. I belong to you. You say that you make me brave, and that I am fearlessly made, but right now I need to feel your presence. I need to feel you guiding me in the next season, of this journey that you have me on. 

4/26/16

I’m done with this walk God. I’m done looking like a fool when everyone else looks happy, and can do whatever they want. Why can’t I just be secure in who you’re calling me to be? It’s so hard to trust that you have blessings for me, when all I see is trials after trials. I’m tired of feeling like this. I’m tired of feeling like I’m in a season of constant brokenness and there will be no victory. When will this season end? This is more than the last twenty minutes. This feels like forever. I’m just over it God. I try to spend more time in your presence and it feels like there’s always constant distractions left and right. God will I ever get it right? When will I just get it together? 

In you, is all I need

You’re my breath, you’re my life, you’re my everything

This has been a hard couple of hours. Just the entire day was hard and seemed like it was a fight to get through it. I didn’t want to go to prayer service tonight. I thought that there was no need for me to go to church anymore, since I’m still having a hard time sometimes understanding your voice God. But you know all of this. You know my struggles. You know that I’m dealing with constant battles. I just feel like I’m losing, and making idiotic decisions every day. Will I ever understand what you are trying to tell me? I surrender the being mean to myself. It doesn’t do anything. I surrender my actions to always look to the right and to the left, instead of looking more closely at you. I surrender my hurt and my pride. I surrender it all. I give it all to you. It’s not about me anymore, it’s about you. I’ve been battling with you about that. You won. I’m glad you won. You’re a better God than I am.

You are the light  

Song of my life

You always lead me

You are the voice inside

United Pursuit‘s Since Your Love, describes the chase that occurs when God is at the center. The chase that occurs when God is pruning and shedding that occurs before whatever the next big season God is about to you to. The next season is here, God I say yes.

Since your love got a hold of me 

Since your love got a hold of me

I’m a new creation

I’m forever changed

I was made by you

I was made for you

I am unfulfilled without full communion

Happy listening! Happy reading! 

Blessings!! Xoxo 

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