There’s nothing worth more, that will ever come close
No thing can compare,
You’re our living hope
Your presence Lord
Father God I haven’t been in your word enough and I’m sorry. I don’t know what tomorrow brings, but I know you will be there. God you are telling me to give up my dreams, and that’s something that I am surrendering to you. After fighting and wrestling with you for this long, I give up my dreams of a singing career, working career and personal ambitions of chasing and wanting things of the world. I give up wanting to be in the know and knowing all the hottest place. I give up my dreams of a vacation and seeking things that satisfy my flesh. I give up not trusting you. I give up not being real with you. I give up using my mom and sister as a clutch. I give up not stepping full throttle into the supernatural and wholly trusting you. I give up wanting to isolate and be away from the body. I give up always getting defensive. I give up not being proactive. I give up half-way chasing you. I give up my dreams of status and fame, and recognition, and glory and honor. They all belong to you. Father God I give up myself. I can no longer live outside of what you have for me. I can no longer feel this groans and pain. So I come to you God seeking you and saying I give it all up. I give up my hair and beauty doubts. I give up my lack of self-esteem. I give up my burdens and yolks. I give up my meltdowns. I give up my heart to you. Have my heart God. Have it truly. Have it fully. It’s yours. I want to live for you and not for myself. I can’t think of me anymore. I want to love your people more. I need a revival within to better serve your people where you placed me to serve. I need you. Whatever it is that I have to do to trust you blindly, I say yes. I say yes to you. I say yes to your visions and plans for my life. I say yes for your mold for my life. I say yes to how you want me to grow and be a lady of faith and to be bold, regardless of how others may perceive it, I don’t live for them God, I must only live for you. So I’m coming to your presence and saying I rather walk around blindfolded trusting wholeheartedly in you than have my eyes and wrongly trust in myself. I call on you to permeate my heart God and make it beat for you.
Jesus told his disciplines to keep watch and for them to stay up and not give into temptation. I feel like I am in the same roadblock with myself, and with my relationship with you. How can I combat this? What is there to do? I am seeking you to cast out this drowsiness that’s in my life. When I am closing my eyes, I’m easily falling asleep and wanting to succumb to the wave that overcomes me. Lord I need you to show me how to overcome this. I just need your healing in this. Please help me. I am crying out to you, seeking you in this. I so badly want to just let the sleep take over. It’s apparent that it’s not of you, but the wave of sleep becomes too hard to resist and push away. It seems like it’s happening as I draw closer to you like right now. I almost bang my head on this wooden coffee shop’s table. I need you God. I need the Holy Spirit to show me how to walk through this. Lord I need you. I need the spirit to cast it out. I’m willing to take the necessary steps in fighting this and being more in the spirit and less in my flesh.
I’ve tasted and seen, of the sweetest of loves Where my heart becomes free, and my shame is undone
Your presence Lord
Like I was serving two masters. I was two people. Willfully wanting to be in your presence and grow more intimately with you; but the sleepiness was what open the door to create the second person who wanted the desires of the world, and validation from people and from worldly men. I would constantly feed and see that everyone was blessed but me. I would think that I never look good in pictures. I would rather go blind than wear my glasses, since I can’t afford better glasses or contacts. Seeing that people consistently choose to not wear glasses, was something that I thought that I needed to do because I would at least look better in photos. I hated being photographed because I would consistently see that I have a double-chin or I’m not attractive. I am so mean to myself because all that I see is the imperfections. Not the beauty that God created. All that I see is the bad nothing about me is good or godly, especially since I was serving two masters. I gave into temptation time after time. I thought I could control how far I go in my flesh. I was so open to dysfunction and brokenness because everyone around me has the opportunity to experience things before they got saved why couldn’t I. Why couldn’t I think the way that they did? I wanted the mentality and stature of a broken worldly individual, not of Jesus. Not seeking the spirit. I would literally not even take time out of my day to ask God anything. To speak to God. I wouldn’t think to start small, “like what shall I wear today God.” Thoughts of that degree wouldn’t cross my mind, which is telling and describes my own with relationship with God. I’m very frustrated with my season. I just want to sleep it away. I just want to walk and learn already. I’m trying to combat this wave of sleep with being in the word, it’s a fight, and a constant battle. I pray for your healing and deliverance on this God. I pray for your spirit to move in me in a whole new way. Amen.
“Keep watch and pray so that you will not give in to temptation. For the spirit is willing, but the body is weak.” (Matthew 26:41)
I want everyone’s else blessings but my own because I truly believe that my blessing are whack and not going to glorify me. I didn’t think about glorifying God, I became cosume with glorifying myself and just wanting to be blessed. So I served the master that thought it was best if I seek things that I want. I hate that I go to the place of asking my parents for money. I begin to seek for ways to make more money and God blocks everyone of the opportunities to create additional coins for my pocket. The thing is I have a hard time trusting you God. I think that you will leave me shattered and broken, hungry and not blessed. I want to be able to be passionate about teaching. All I know that it is a calling and somedays I am passionate about it, but I don’t trust you God. That’s what it boils down to plain and simple. In my heart these pieces that believes that you will have me go through so much for no reason. There’s part of me that allowed the lies of Satan to get so far that it lead to my lack of trust in you. I brought myself here, and yet you still say to follow you. You still say that I’m shedding, and letting go of things. I’m just thinking that I’m finally being upfront and honest. I would get defensive with others because I would think that it’s the way to response since they are pointing out that I’m not trusting you. I was in deep total denial with the truth. I rather see what I wanted to see, things through my eyes, through the flesh, notice that it was never through the spirit that I have been relying on for a long time. I have practically dulled the spirit. For awhile i just didn’t want to fully let you in God, because I didn’t think you had the best for me. Everything felt like it came with a stipulation, because I had to be patient and wait. Simply just trust you and wait. Didn’t like those answers. And simply invited the wrong master in because of my impatience. I became again two people, that I no longer can continue to be. I choose to trust you wholeheartedly.
“You love him even though you have never seen him. Though you do not see him now, you trust him….” ( 1 Peter 1:8)
Holy Spirit is such a well recorded worship song, with many various versions from so many amazing worship artists. Kim Walker-Smith sings the song in a way, where she is desperately asking The Holy Spirit with every fiber of her being into her space. That is where I am at, just with my heart, and with every fiber that God has constructed in me to seek out the presence of the Holy Spirit, and seek out for him.
Let us become more aware of Your Presence
Let us experience the Glory of Your Goodness
Let us become more aware of Your Presence
Let us experience the Glory of your Goodness
Holy Spirit you are welcome here
Come flood this place and fill the atmosphere
Your Glory God is what our hearts long for
To be overcome by your presence Lord
Your Presence Lord
Happy reading!! Happy listening!! Blessings!! Xoxo