“You’ve been searching for someone

Who’ll stand in the gap 

And you’ve been searching for someone

Who will give you their all. 

Here I am Lord, here’s my life Lord”

5/13/16

I still battle a lot of things God, one of them is wanting to be seen and glorified. I am sorry that this is something that I constantly do and I am failing at. Lord, I come to you in needing Your hand towards just overcoming this. Doing this is self-gratification, and self praise. I don’t need to do these things because I have already been validated by you, so this is an area that I am extremely weak in, and need You tremendously to grow out of this unfruitful place. 

5/14/16

I didn’t want come here God, and I wanted to go to the piers. Not here. 

My words. They can either cut or build people. It’s up to me to decide which way I want to go when talking and engaging with others. There’s a lot of bitterness in my heart God. There’s just needs to be a wipe out with the tons of bitterness that I carry. It’s crazy how that is something that I don’t want done to me, but when I feel offended, I’m quick to do it to others. Not good. I choose God to not live in bitterness because it causes others to not want to be around me or even happy to see me. It also robs me of my blessings. It’s sad to say that it was something that I was comfortable doing, but now it’s just leaving me miserable and that’s not why you have me saved. That’s not the purpose for the callings you have on my life. Lord, I choose light and to be in love with my words. 

God, I am someone who just doesn’t consult you often and I’m sorry for doing so, and I’ve done this so many times. I truly repent for not pushing to seek you first. That is not being Christ like or being in Your vein. Lord, I apologize for these decisions that I’ve made so often in the past and I’m coming to you just wanting to change these ways in me. God, please have the Holy Spirit take over before I speak about any topic on any topic with anyone. Father God, I am constantly needing you to show me what to do, because when I do things from my own understanding, in leaning on the flesh and giving the wrong advice. 

No longer do I want to do this God. No longer do I want to stay here in the brokenness of thoughts and feelings. You introduce me to a world of peace, and that is where I want to abide in. Father God, continue to guide me and give me the strength to lean on you during the times where bitterness and meanness want to come out, and not your Spirit that produces good fruits, godly fruits for others to be blessed with. These are the things that I am constantly struggling with God. Father God, I pray as I seek you and just continue to lean on you and trust you that I am more focused on growth, and not breaking others down or being bitter. It’s about being a sister and a friend to them, and constantly reminding them, that you are with them. 

God, I just say yes. I say yes to you in every capacity. I surrender and choose to seek you and want you. God it’s your ways that I trust to go forward with and continue to draw closer to you. So Lord, as you call me and say it’s time, I say yes. For your ways are not mine, they are higher. Isaiah 55:8

5/15/16 

Lord, I need you. I so need you. I just want you, I place too much expectations on man. And I don’t want this to continue anymore. When will the falling asleep in services end? When will this end God? I rebuke you Satan in the blood of Jesus for these whack attempts. 

God this truly sucks. I can not continue on this way. Heal this Lord, heal me. Lord, this little girl said to me just now that she saw me sleeping, and I tried to deny it. Lord, I need you. 

5/17/16

Work in me oh God, create a clean heart within me. God it’s so hard to be this sensitive and easily triggered by things. I need you and I give you these emotions. I need you and I just want to walk in your truth. As I began to read your Word, God plant in me all things that are good. Remove the barren fruit from within me. I need to get better, and not be in this realm of lazy. I need you God. Please show me how to be there for others. How to actually shower them, the way that they need to be showered with love. This is such a weak area for me, and I come to you God, seeking in not knowing what to do. How can I not be so easily triggered by the simplest things. I need to get to the root of these emotions and give them to you Lord. I’m coming to you Lord in just a desperate need to be on fire and seeking your presence.

God in your word it says “let us not be weary for doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.” Galatians 6:9

I’m always wanting to give up because it just gets too hard. It just gets too difficult. I yearn to understand your voice more, and grow in you more. Father how do I go about that? How do I become your servant and be in a spirit of gratitude, not bitterness or ungratefulness? God, I just feel like I can’t hold on anymore. I need you to show me how to go, where to go. Father God, I need you to show me how to not be lazy and in my own ways so often. I’m ready for your rest.

I’ll Be The One by Briana Babineaux off of her self-titled album Bri, is such a beautiful song of harmony and vocals inviting God to be able to do the work needed in our hearts to prepare us for the journey, and calling that he has for us. She claims with her words “you don’t have to look no further”, is choosing to say to God, I say yes! Pick me God, “cause I’ll be the one” to be the servant that you need for your people. For your kingdom. Amen. 

“You don’t have to search no further

I’ll be the one, yes, 

I’ll be the one, ohhh I’ll be the one 

You can find me in your temple 

God I’m always available, I’ll be the one….”

Happy reading!! Happy listening!!! Blessings!! Xoxo

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