Wyn's Playlist

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Everlasting God (We Set Our Hope On You)  — June 27, 2016

Everlasting God (We Set Our Hope On You) 

“The Lord is my life and salvation

Whom shall I fear 

Whom shall I be afraid”

6/25/16

These tears that I cry God they are out of frustration. I am so frustrated at this moment. So consume with fear. I am choosing to praise you through these feelings, but it’s hard to discern what to hear. What are you telling me to do God? For days you have been telling me to post the same thing over and over Psalm 131. I feel like I’ve misheard you God. I feel like I’ve gone crazy and you’re not telling me to do anything. God can I just have your truth. I pray for discernment and clarity God. I pray for your truths. I pray for awareness in you God. I just pray God on what to pray for. What is it that you want me to ask you. I repent for not coming to you with constant thanksgiving and praise. It seems that I do not praise you enough. 

I come to you with petitions and requests. I am not asking the right questions, aren’t I God? I come to you God, with just pleading on what to do. On how to come to you. On how to pray and cry out to you. These feelings that I have Lord, I come to you in seeking what to do. Is this even the right question to ask? 

When I come to you God you tell me that my ribcage loves me. What does that really do to my current reality? He’s not here. What is here is me struggling in finance, and what feels like stagnancy. I need to start studying for the GREs you tell me to wait on others. Why? When they are going to do well and excel, and I’m the one who sometimes have a hard time understanding everything. 

God you know how I feel. You know what I am going through, but it feels like you are putting me through misery. You want me to be still and wait, while I see others are progressing ahead. You tell me to look up but I still have trouble from not looking to my right and my left. Do you understand how I feel God? In your word it says that you do, but do you understand how I feel? I feel behind, like everyone has figured it all out and I still have not. 

As I listen to “Praise the Lord” by Kristene Dimarco, and  tears have been coming down my face, and I’ve been just in constant rage with these emotions. I need you God and every time I need you, it’s feels like you leave me for worst. So God I just come to you on what to do? You tell me to trust you, in what way God? What am I not doing enough? What am I not aiming for? God I need to show you. I come to you on what to do. 

I’ve been leaning on my own understanding and thinking I know what to do. But I don’t want to do that anymore God, what do I do? How do I surrender this ugly known? Where am I suppose to be? I’m tired of waiting on others when it feels like, no one waits for me. No one understand these feelings of feeling like I’m less than or behind. I don’t know the latest hook ups or what’s in. I just know you God, and I live in a society where that’s not enough. 

I was judged for saying “oh my God” when I was young. Now that i truly know you, it seems that that’s not enough. It seems that no one wants to be around that. I just want to know something God. I just want to not feel behind, or below the curve. There’s a hold in my heart that I have for being ahead. I know it’s not of you, so what do I do? I come to you surrendering, will that do something? I’ve come to you surrendering many times and too many times I feel like I’m just saying the words. I want drastic changes God. I want the mountains to move. What am I not doing God? Not trusting in you in what way? What am I to do God? 

Father God, I come to you just seeking peace and answers. I have so much fears. I had a dream that was because of my fears. Father God why am I so fearful? I go to scripture to mediate and recite your verses. I go to you God, don’t know what else I am missing? Why’s this paralyzing fear still here, then? 

I thank you God for the ability to call up my prayer partner and have someone to discuss my frustrations with. It’s been a very emotional day for me. I thank you God for her prayers. I thank you God for that moment when you said to call her. I thank you for being here. I thank you God for her listening ear. Father God, as I call out to you Lord I seek you. I seek your face daily and choose obedience, even though there are days when you tell me to wait, I want to just go ahead instead, but I choose life not death like Psalm 27:2 states “though an army besiege me, my heart will not fear”

“I will trust in you 

I will trust in you

I will wait on you 

I will wait on you 

I will remain confident in this 

I will see the goodness of the Lord”

6/26/16

Father God, these anxieties that are in my heart are not of you. I don’t like how every time I try to reach out to Regina Ann* her phone is going straight to voicemail. Father God it seems as if this new friendship has blossomed in her life she does not see how she has treated me. I’m on a text and go basis. She is never able to call me back. She sends me snippet of what’s going on with her. Father God, you have her. She doesn’t understand its seems that she begins to change when someone new enters her life. I feel very removed and detached from her. 

She doesn’t even know that I’ve been finding myself crying in the bathrooms. Maybe it’s the new season and there are changes in every season. But she doesn’t see how easily she can get sucked in someone’s life and then be quick to do what feels like is discard me. God she can have these new friendships. They can be the one who can help her, I truly believe that purpose was to bring her to Christ and everyone else is there for her. Father God, it’s funny how I didn’t even get a birthday gathering with friends, but everyone else did. It seems that I’m the problem; therefore, you can replace me God. 

She will now have the friends who will be there for her and understand what she is going through, since I’ve gotten constant repeated that “I do not understand what she is going through”. God you are obviously placing her with people who can take her higher. And people who get her. Father God you have her. I no longer have to hear wait for her to study or do anything. She will easily find the friends who can be there for her. I’m done trying to understand since I repeatedly get told that I don’t. She doesn’t see it, then it’s just me. Father God, you have this. 

I hate these feelings that I have father God, can you please take them away already. Please remove them from my life. What is it that I’m not asking or doing? Father God I go to you seeking you about these turbulent emotions. They are very unsettling. Remove them God please, remove them.  

I’m tired of being alone when everyone else has someone to comfort them Lord. I’m tired of how I put too much faith in man, and not enough faith in you. I see God how distorted my views are. You’re the only that I can trust. You’re the only one that I can rely on, I can’t put my trust in anyone else but you. 

It feels like my obedience God leads to nowhere. I’m still the one battling the validation I seek in Regina Ann* and putting her (man) on pedestals. I’m the one who is being obedient but what does that lead to God? I’m still the one who is by herself while everyone else develops a closeness with others. I’m the one who has the issues it seems. 

So create the shift that Regina Ann was talking about. Free her from my barren fruits and need to be validated by her, she does not have these issues, whatever she is going through people want to celebrate her. It’s time that I see my truths and issues, and surrender them on to you. Heal my heart Lord, fix what is broken, and mend me. Please push me to surrender this validation I seek from her but more importantly the desire I have for her to be validated by me. When Regina Ann called me out on that truth I could only admit she was right. She chases God and fights to be spirit lead so she’ll never have this issue of wanting validation from man.

You can beam me up now God since I have been replacing you with others in my heart. The space that was only meant for you, I failed to see how I allowed man to take that place because that was my focus. I was so caught up to my left and right. I was so caught up in everything but you, but you know this already God, you want me to admit it and be upfront about it. Father God, I come to you in just humility and shame for what I have done. I come surrendering this side of me. Surrendering the pedestals that I have place man on. I just come Lord, I just come to you with my heavy heart. 

Everlasting God is a song that is truly the epitome of trusting and waiting on God as you are in the midst of the pruning and shedding of your season. The song mediates on Psalm 27:1 and speaks on how with the Lord on our side “whom shall I fear…..whom shall I be afraid”. Why do we give in to fear when God himself states in his word that he is with us? That he is our light and salvation. Sometimes I believe that we allow fear to consume us because we are to caught up on how things look for us and not enough how to just trust God and allow him to lead. We have to surrender all of these things and just truly remain confident in the Lord. Truly just have him in total control over every single thing of our lives. This version sung by William Murphy III off his Demonstrate album is truly amazing. Truly pushes you to connect with the spirit and resonates with the core of why we are created to worship, and how amazingly free we are when we are in true worship with God. 

“We set our hope on You 

We set our hope on Your love

We set our hope on the One who is the everlasting God 

You are the everlasting God”

“We set our hope on You 

We set our hope on Your love 

We set our hope on the One who is the everlasting God 

You are the everlasting God”

Happy reading!! Happy listening!! Blessings!! Love y’all!!!! xoxo 

(*denotes name change for privacy reasons) 

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Enduring Love —

Enduring Love

The church in Corinth lost its first love for Jesus Christ. They maintained their spiritual activities but did them without love.

Many people in today’s church face the same problem. They have become so consumed by committees, rules, programs, and personal agendas that they have forgotten about love. So many Christians today have lost their vision and mission because they do not serve in love.
As Jesus rebuked the church in Ephesus, “Yet I hold this against you: You have forsaken your first love” (Revelation 2:4).

What does agape love look like? Paul tells us: “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails” (1 Corinthians 13:4-8).

Paul’s description paints a picture of the love of Jesus Christ. He is the one against whom we are to measure ourselves. We are to love others as Christ loves us. Jesus said, “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another” (John 13:34-35).

Has your love been met by rejection? By betrayal? Has your love been met by cold indifference or by anger? Has your love been met with hatred? Has your love been met with selfishness, jealousy, and resentment? Keep loving, for only love endures forever.

Prayer: God, help me to love others the way You do. Help me to never stop loving. I pray in the name of Jesus. Amen.

“Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good; his love endures forever” (Psalm 118:1).

Reach For Me — June 20, 2016

Reach For Me

I don’t believe what you tell me about my ribcage God. The only thing that you’ve made clear is that I’m suppose to take the offer at my school. So I took it. I ask for truths. I ask for clarity. 

So what is it that you’ve wanted me to know about God? What is that you wanted to tell me? 

When I read the word, I pray for understanding. I don’t know how to receive what you keep telling me God. I go to you and nothing happens. I see that there are times I don’t grasp the depth of the word. All I see is the surface stuff, I ask to fix my eyes to see more of you. Teach me to fix my eyes on you God. Teach me to dig deeper. Teach me to feel your heart reach for me. 

I’m used to no one wanting to hear from me. I’m used to no one understanding me, or me not making sense. It’s okay. You can love me from afar. I’ll still listen to worship music, because that is what frees me.

I just what your truth God. I just want your truths. 

Break me open 

God in motion 

Light my world 

With fire and rain

I need to surrender this hurt God. Father God I feel hurt, and I feel just so all over the place. I don’t want to focus on him. He’s not real to me, because we would’ve happened by now right?

I’m going to be starting grad school very soon. I need to past all of my classes and do well on my GREs. I need to succeed. I need to do well God. I have to. There’s a serious amount of fear that I’m going to fail and flunk out. There’s a serious amount of fear that I’m not able to comprehend or understand anything. There’s a serious amount of fear that I’m not able to listen or take great notes. There’s fear that I made up teaching as my calling, maybe you were calling me into something and I am not listening to you enough to hear it. Father God, you have me, but I have doubt in what you tell me because of man. But man isn’t you. Abraham didn’t doubt you, neither did Ruth. So God I’m releasing all things that I cling to in replacement of trusting you. I release holding on to my own belief and choose to trust your truths. I just want your truth God and I want to have discernment on what I receive. Father God, I need you. Feel my heart reaching.

God, there’s a lot of hurt feelings that have been harbored inside of me. There’s fear of the future thinking that I’m going to fail and not succeed. There’s fear of what you’ve have told me, I’ve twisted it to something else. There’s hurts from what people have said in the past. There’s hurts of guilt and regret that I have leaned on my own understanding. There’s deep rooted hurt on how I’ve approached things in the past all wrong, or how things have played out in ways they may not have had to. Father God, there’s so much hurt, and I’ve allowed the enemy to have me in this loop for far too long. It’s about time I walk out of it. It’s about time, I express these feelings and give them to you. The depth of hurt that I’ve allowed to remain numb that comes out; and I’m free from the bondage attached to it. I choose to believe in what you tell me over man. I choose to not chase after the validation, and the acceptance on what you tell me. I’m just on a different plane than others. I come to you Lord, as you feel my heart, while I reach to you. 

Reach For Me by Will Reagan is where I stand. Off his Endless Years album, the song is the drumming on my heart of asking God can you feel me, hear me, and needing you desperately your love God? It’s the common question we ask God we say yes to the journey and road He sets before us. 

Can you feel my heart

As I reach for you?


Can you feel my heart 
As I reach for you?


I can feel your heart,

As you reach for me 
I can feel your heart,

As you reach for me 

Happy reading! Happy listening!! Blessings!! Xoxo

Heroes  — June 8, 2016

Heroes 

Awake my soul to sing 

With your breath in me 
I will worship, 

You taught my feet 

To dance upon disappointment

And I, I will worship

6/1/16

Cast away these anxieties father God. I just banged the back of my head on the metal bars of this bus. Father God, I can’t deal with these consuming emotions. I choose you God. I choose to trust you. I feel like I’m coming down with a massive headache because of that banging of the back of my head. Father God, what am I missing? I seek you in these moments to have you walk me through all of this.

God I surrender this wave of sleep that’s trying to come over me. I surrender all of me and walk on faith as you work in me. Cast out the emotions and behaviors that are not of you. Lord, I come to you wanting freedom from this bondage. I choose you God, no matter what attacks come my way. Lord, I choose to stand firm in you. Father God you have me.  

Father God, there’s a wave of sleep that interferes every time I’m reading the word. I surrender all of this to you. Father God, work in me. Father God, I surrender any fear or anxieties or any barren fruits that have lead to this. This feels like a dark cloud. I feel like there’s something that’s trying to take me back to who I use to be, and I rebuke. 

Father God, as I mediate on Psalm 103, I place in my heart “let all that I am praise the Lord, with my whole heart, I will praise his holy name. Let all that I am praise the Lord, may I never forget the good things he does for me.”

God I praise your name. I praise your name for you are good. You are the God who has created me from dust and breathed life into me. God I choose to never forget all the good things that you have done for me. They are daily, I woke up this morning because of you God. I am able to walk and move around on my two feet. God I am not bound to anything, I am yours. I am yours Abba. Your love remains. I am listening to worship music right now, and choosing to praise you. I won’t focus on the lack thereof in any areas of my life because they are in your capable hands. Father God, I thank you. I thank you that I am now in the space to choose love over everything. 

6/3/16

God, I pray on how to be there for Regina Ann* during her rare moments of vulnerability. I pray on hearing from you on what to say, and how to be there for her. Father God, take over in this very weak area of mines, because it’s not fair to her to have a friend like me unable to be the shoulder that she needs. Father God, I turn these burdens over on to you and ask you to help me to communicate in the spirit always, when taking to either Regina Ann or anyone that is expressing how they feel, and is vulnerable. Father God, show me what to say and do. 

Regina Ann* expressing how she feels that her being vulnerable has no means because she is not return getting what she needs, always stings when she says it. And I turn to you God and pray for you to change, and turn this around. God only you can change these weak areas and poor communication skills to one that is for your people and leads to confirmation on what others need to hear. I seek you father at this moment right now to turn this around. Break this chain that I have been clinging to in not knowing how to respond to vulnerability. It’s crippling me, and hurting our sisterhood.

I will trust

Here in the mystery

I will trust

In you completely

6/4/16

I’m tired of this God, everyday I am getting it wrong. Not looking good. I am tired of this. I feel and look horrible. I don’t look good God. I was trying to catch the bus to get to work out on time, that I didn’t even get my make up bag or anything to put on make up. I don’t even want to go to this concert any more. I look so ugly. I look so bad. When I take a photo, all I see is the wrinkles, open pores and blemishes and pimples. All I see is what’s wrong with me. 

You tell me I’m beautiful, and I’m telling you I’m not because there’s tons of searching to find the beauty that is there for me. I don’t see it and that’s the truth. You want me to surrender the self-hate, the condemnation, and the bitterness that’s fine, I surrender, but they still don’t take away from the fact that when I look in the mirror I see the cracks and the mistakes, not your gifted hands blessing me with beauty. I still see the hurt and the constant judging and comparing. I used to tell people beauty is in the eye of the beholder and they wouldn’t believe me. They rather believe that my beauty is not like theirs so therefore, I’m not beautiful. I’ve accepted that as truth. I’ve accepted that and have lived with it. 

I will trust 

Here in the mystery

I will trust

In you completely

6/6/16

I’m afraid of getting hurt by my ribcage. I’m afraid God, that he will never love me like Jesus loves the church, or that he will walk out on me. I’ve got abandonment issues. Father God, be with me. I surrender these emotions and fears, they lead to me thinking in doubt and not trusting in you. These emotions feed my flesh and lies. So now I come to you just saying have this part of myself die and I surrender. I come to you letting go of my fears and lies that I held onto. Father God, I come to you saying that I choose to trust what you tell me over the lies. I’m letting go. My hands are free and open. My heart is open, you teach me how to dance through the disappointments. No longer clinging to the anything but you. I will praise and worship you. 

Hallelujah 

Hallelujah 

You are making all things new

6/7/16

Why am I reading the word when it feels like I’m not growing in you God? 

 

You sent me to Hebrews 11 which speaks on faith. 

“Faith is the confidence that we hope for will actually happen, it gives us assurance about things we cannot see.”

I need so much of your assurance God. There’s areas in my life that I have very low faith, because I don’t see the moves that you promise will happen. 

Thank you for shedding this last remains of my tangible bondage. 

Father God, I am praying and calling out to you to be less self-absorbed. I choose to surrender and fight to not become this way anymore. I pray for more compassionate and loving qualities to be birth in me, that will exemplify you. 

I will trust 

Here in the mystery 

I will trust 

In you completely 

6/8/16

Father God, thank you for constantly working in my heart to release what is not of you. You consistently bring me to the space where I have to recognize and see what I am doing. The mental projection that I have on things. You use every opportunity and every encounter to work in me, and have me surrender all that is not of you. Father God, as I release the residue and worldly broken habits away from me. I come to you God just truly as a servant and saying yes to what glorifies you eternally. You are always showing me that you are my hero. But you’re also showing me that you see me as yours, for your people. I’ll rise and sing your praises Abba. 

Heroes by Amanda Cook, the track comes off her Brave New World album, which is my current replay to the replay of albums that my soul is clinging to. The whole album describes how I feel as I am about to take on the brave new world of graduate school, and really step into the calling that God is birthing into fruition. I am learning a lot. The tittle to me seems like a brave new world first begins with the mind. A new season requires bravery. A new job, even changes brings newness. God doesn’t operate in the stagnancy, he operates in making all things new. All things from glory to glory, then from there that is how how heroes are birthed. 

Let the heroes 

Let the striving cease

I lay my crown 

Here at your feet

Let the weary rise

Lift their eyes to see

Your love crushing every lie 

Every doubt and fear
I will trust 

Here in the mystery 

I will trust 

In you completely 
Awake my soul to sing

With your breath in me 

I will worship, 

You taught my feet 

To dance upon disappointment 

And I, I will worship 

Happy reading! Happy listening!! Blessings!!!! Xoxo 

(*denotes name change for privacy reasons)

Let It Happen  — June 1, 2016

Let It Happen 

5/30/16

It feeling like this summer is going to be the stepping stone of the blessings that are coming God. 

I don’t want to stress out about my future any longer Abba. I surrender these fears and emotions on to you. I trust you first and foremost God, over the lies that are swimming within me. 

6/1/16

Fix these ways in me Lord, it seems that there’s things that I do to bother Regina Ann.* I’m not understanding her, or being there enough for her. God fix these ways in me. Fix them and repair the holes in our sisterhood. Father God, I hate when I upset her, to the point that she has to close her mouth from me, or stops talking. Father God it’s our 2 year anniversary from being baptize. God why is it that today of all days I can’t get things right. Father God, fix in me all the things that causes her, and others to quickly turn away from me, and just do not want to communicate with me anymore. Father God, fix in me these habits. I surrender them to you. It’s very hard to sit at this table, and there’s nothing but silence between us. I am the root of these problems. I am the root of the disturbances in our sisterhood, so please God just work in me. I say yes to being a better person, and being there for her more. Father God, I am always messing up because I do not discern enough. I pray for more discernment God. I pray for more leaning on you. 

Sometimes father God, I get these feelings like I’m not rooted enough in you. Like I’m not really chasing you, and I’m making nothing but poor choices everyday. The way that I easily can cause Regina Ann* to be upset is proof. That’s probably why people from my past, never truly wanted to hang with me because I was the problem, the girl who didn’t know how to discern, or be there. Look where that has landed me, at a table full of silence. She just shut down.

I choose to retain God what is being told to me. I no longer have the urgency to love my sisters and brothers sacrificially like Jesus. This is an area that I have been failing in. Regina Ann is no longer seconds away from killing herself, so my urgency isn’t there. This is an area that I am very weak in, and I truly need you. I need you so much God to open my heart, and have me love your people like Jesus loves us, all the time not just urgent times. God why haven’t I been able to surrender this side in me? Why have I allowed myself to land here. Show me how to proceed God. Show me how to love like three years ago. I don’t know how to love, and that’s a problem. I’m not fully anchored to you God is the caused why. I am not doing enough that’s why there’s nothing but fear, and anxieties that have come over me, and I pray, and call out to you but that isn’t enough. I’m not doing enough. That’s why I’m here so selfish and self-centered. Isn’t that ironic God, that as I’m learning how to truly love myself and see you as you see me, that I’m selfish and self-centered. 

Hey God, I am deciding to surrender my fears on to you. Fear isn’t of you, and it distances me from you. The distance leads to me feeding things that are untrue and not of your character. I have such a fear that overcomes me when someone speaks to me in anger. I cannot respond to anger God. I actually draw a mental blank, and begin to stare at the person, so when I hear, or see someone angry or walk away from me. I then become very hurt, and I just shutdown. It’s something that I’ve never admitted until now God. 

I was ashamed of being this way because I thought that it has me looking weak, or stupid. I was unable to communicate this to anyone until Regina Ann, and she made me sit down and complete this blog. It was very hard to express this to anyone, and when in an argument, there was always the question asked “well are you going to say anything, or tell me that I have to speak up. 

Father God, I come to you with all these emotions, just asking for more of you in the areas of my weaknesses. God I’m so weak in many areas, but you said that there is strength in my weakness, so God I turn these frustrations over on to you. I come to you Father just really wanting to go to you more and more. I no longer want to make any decisions on my own, or lead on my own accord. That was not the purpose of me saying that I follow you. So Lord, I come to you with full surrender and to trust you. I’m ready to accept that I’m full of the life and passion you created. I am leaping of moving forward to let it happen. Moving forward towards new beginnings, towards boldness and making steps towards you daily chasing even faster. Father God, I seek you with the eagerness to serve you more and more, but to truly understand that you are with me. When I was young.
So take me back, back to the beginning

When I was young 

Running through the fields with you 
Let it happen by United Pursuit sings this melody off of their Simple Gospel album, to just be a light and a vessel for God. Let it happen meaning to trust God. Letting go all of our worries and fears and be a light. 

And he whispers to your heart, to let it go and be a light,

Be a light 

Be a light 

Be a light 

Come alive, come alive 

Come alive, come alive 

Happy reading! Happy listening!! Xoxo

Blessings!! 

(*denotes name change due to privacy reasons) 

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