Awake my soul to sing 

With your breath in me 
I will worship, 

You taught my feet 

To dance upon disappointment

And I, I will worship

6/1/16

Cast away these anxieties father God. I just banged the back of my head on the metal bars of this bus. Father God, I can’t deal with these consuming emotions. I choose you God. I choose to trust you. I feel like I’m coming down with a massive headache because of that banging of the back of my head. Father God, what am I missing? I seek you in these moments to have you walk me through all of this.

God I surrender this wave of sleep that’s trying to come over me. I surrender all of me and walk on faith as you work in me. Cast out the emotions and behaviors that are not of you. Lord, I come to you wanting freedom from this bondage. I choose you God, no matter what attacks come my way. Lord, I choose to stand firm in you. Father God you have me.  

Father God, there’s a wave of sleep that interferes every time I’m reading the word. I surrender all of this to you. Father God, work in me. Father God, I surrender any fear or anxieties or any barren fruits that have lead to this. This feels like a dark cloud. I feel like there’s something that’s trying to take me back to who I use to be, and I rebuke. 

Father God, as I mediate on Psalm 103, I place in my heart “let all that I am praise the Lord, with my whole heart, I will praise his holy name. Let all that I am praise the Lord, may I never forget the good things he does for me.”

God I praise your name. I praise your name for you are good. You are the God who has created me from dust and breathed life into me. God I choose to never forget all the good things that you have done for me. They are daily, I woke up this morning because of you God. I am able to walk and move around on my two feet. God I am not bound to anything, I am yours. I am yours Abba. Your love remains. I am listening to worship music right now, and choosing to praise you. I won’t focus on the lack thereof in any areas of my life because they are in your capable hands. Father God, I thank you. I thank you that I am now in the space to choose love over everything. 

6/3/16

God, I pray on how to be there for Regina Ann* during her rare moments of vulnerability. I pray on hearing from you on what to say, and how to be there for her. Father God, take over in this very weak area of mines, because it’s not fair to her to have a friend like me unable to be the shoulder that she needs. Father God, I turn these burdens over on to you and ask you to help me to communicate in the spirit always, when taking to either Regina Ann or anyone that is expressing how they feel, and is vulnerable. Father God, show me what to say and do. 

Regina Ann* expressing how she feels that her being vulnerable has no means because she is not return getting what she needs, always stings when she says it. And I turn to you God and pray for you to change, and turn this around. God only you can change these weak areas and poor communication skills to one that is for your people and leads to confirmation on what others need to hear. I seek you father at this moment right now to turn this around. Break this chain that I have been clinging to in not knowing how to respond to vulnerability. It’s crippling me, and hurting our sisterhood.

I will trust

Here in the mystery

I will trust

In you completely

6/4/16

I’m tired of this God, everyday I am getting it wrong. Not looking good. I am tired of this. I feel and look horrible. I don’t look good God. I was trying to catch the bus to get to work out on time, that I didn’t even get my make up bag or anything to put on make up. I don’t even want to go to this concert any more. I look so ugly. I look so bad. When I take a photo, all I see is the wrinkles, open pores and blemishes and pimples. All I see is what’s wrong with me. 

You tell me I’m beautiful, and I’m telling you I’m not because there’s tons of searching to find the beauty that is there for me. I don’t see it and that’s the truth. You want me to surrender the self-hate, the condemnation, and the bitterness that’s fine, I surrender, but they still don’t take away from the fact that when I look in the mirror I see the cracks and the mistakes, not your gifted hands blessing me with beauty. I still see the hurt and the constant judging and comparing. I used to tell people beauty is in the eye of the beholder and they wouldn’t believe me. They rather believe that my beauty is not like theirs so therefore, I’m not beautiful. I’ve accepted that as truth. I’ve accepted that and have lived with it. 

I will trust 

Here in the mystery

I will trust

In you completely

6/6/16

I’m afraid of getting hurt by my ribcage. I’m afraid God, that he will never love me like Jesus loves the church, or that he will walk out on me. I’ve got abandonment issues. Father God, be with me. I surrender these emotions and fears, they lead to me thinking in doubt and not trusting in you. These emotions feed my flesh and lies. So now I come to you just saying have this part of myself die and I surrender. I come to you letting go of my fears and lies that I held onto. Father God, I come to you saying that I choose to trust what you tell me over the lies. I’m letting go. My hands are free and open. My heart is open, you teach me how to dance through the disappointments. No longer clinging to the anything but you. I will praise and worship you. 

Hallelujah 

Hallelujah 

You are making all things new

6/7/16

Why am I reading the word when it feels like I’m not growing in you God? 

 

You sent me to Hebrews 11 which speaks on faith. 

“Faith is the confidence that we hope for will actually happen, it gives us assurance about things we cannot see.”

I need so much of your assurance God. There’s areas in my life that I have very low faith, because I don’t see the moves that you promise will happen. 

Thank you for shedding this last remains of my tangible bondage. 

Father God, I am praying and calling out to you to be less self-absorbed. I choose to surrender and fight to not become this way anymore. I pray for more compassionate and loving qualities to be birth in me, that will exemplify you. 

I will trust 

Here in the mystery 

I will trust 

In you completely 

6/8/16

Father God, thank you for constantly working in my heart to release what is not of you. You consistently bring me to the space where I have to recognize and see what I am doing. The mental projection that I have on things. You use every opportunity and every encounter to work in me, and have me surrender all that is not of you. Father God, as I release the residue and worldly broken habits away from me. I come to you God just truly as a servant and saying yes to what glorifies you eternally. You are always showing me that you are my hero. But you’re also showing me that you see me as yours, for your people. I’ll rise and sing your praises Abba. 

Heroes by Amanda Cook, the track comes off her Brave New World album, which is my current replay to the replay of albums that my soul is clinging to. The whole album describes how I feel as I am about to take on the brave new world of graduate school, and really step into the calling that God is birthing into fruition. I am learning a lot. The tittle to me seems like a brave new world first begins with the mind. A new season requires bravery. A new job, even changes brings newness. God doesn’t operate in the stagnancy, he operates in making all things new. All things from glory to glory, then from there that is how how heroes are birthed. 

Let the heroes 

Let the striving cease

I lay my crown 

Here at your feet

Let the weary rise

Lift their eyes to see

Your love crushing every lie 

Every doubt and fear
I will trust 

Here in the mystery 

I will trust 

In you completely 
Awake my soul to sing

With your breath in me 

I will worship, 

You taught my feet 

To dance upon disappointment 

And I, I will worship 

Happy reading! Happy listening!! Blessings!!!! Xoxo 

(*denotes name change for privacy reasons)

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