I don’t believe what you tell me about my ribcage God. The only thing that you’ve made clear is that I’m suppose to take the offer at my school. So I took it. I ask for truths. I ask for clarity. 

So what is it that you’ve wanted me to know about God? What is that you wanted to tell me? 

When I read the word, I pray for understanding. I don’t know how to receive what you keep telling me God. I go to you and nothing happens. I see that there are times I don’t grasp the depth of the word. All I see is the surface stuff, I ask to fix my eyes to see more of you. Teach me to fix my eyes on you God. Teach me to dig deeper. Teach me to feel your heart reach for me. 

I’m used to no one wanting to hear from me. I’m used to no one understanding me, or me not making sense. It’s okay. You can love me from afar. I’ll still listen to worship music, because that is what frees me.

I just what your truth God. I just want your truths. 

Break me open 

God in motion 

Light my world 

With fire and rain

I need to surrender this hurt God. Father God I feel hurt, and I feel just so all over the place. I don’t want to focus on him. He’s not real to me, because we would’ve happened by now right?

I’m going to be starting grad school very soon. I need to past all of my classes and do well on my GREs. I need to succeed. I need to do well God. I have to. There’s a serious amount of fear that I’m going to fail and flunk out. There’s a serious amount of fear that I’m not able to comprehend or understand anything. There’s a serious amount of fear that I’m not able to listen or take great notes. There’s fear that I made up teaching as my calling, maybe you were calling me into something and I am not listening to you enough to hear it. Father God, you have me, but I have doubt in what you tell me because of man. But man isn’t you. Abraham didn’t doubt you, neither did Ruth. So God I’m releasing all things that I cling to in replacement of trusting you. I release holding on to my own belief and choose to trust your truths. I just want your truth God and I want to have discernment on what I receive. Father God, I need you. Feel my heart reaching.

God, there’s a lot of hurt feelings that have been harbored inside of me. There’s fear of the future thinking that I’m going to fail and not succeed. There’s fear of what you’ve have told me, I’ve twisted it to something else. There’s hurts from what people have said in the past. There’s hurts of guilt and regret that I have leaned on my own understanding. There’s deep rooted hurt on how I’ve approached things in the past all wrong, or how things have played out in ways they may not have had to. Father God, there’s so much hurt, and I’ve allowed the enemy to have me in this loop for far too long. It’s about time I walk out of it. It’s about time, I express these feelings and give them to you. The depth of hurt that I’ve allowed to remain numb that comes out; and I’m free from the bondage attached to it. I choose to believe in what you tell me over man. I choose to not chase after the validation, and the acceptance on what you tell me. I’m just on a different plane than others. I come to you Lord, as you feel my heart, while I reach to you. 

Reach For Me by Will Reagan is where I stand. Off his Endless Years album, the song is the drumming on my heart of asking God can you feel me, hear me, and needing you desperately your love God? It’s the common question we ask God we say yes to the journey and road He sets before us. 

Can you feel my heart

As I reach for you?


Can you feel my heart 
As I reach for you?


I can feel your heart,

As you reach for me 
I can feel your heart,

As you reach for me 

Happy reading! Happy listening!! Blessings!! Xoxo

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