Are You in still small voice

Are You in the roaring thunder

Maybe You’re the inner peace 

Maybe You’re the cloud of wonder

10/12/16

I’m that broken person, who easily trusts the world. I’m that broken God, who says things without thinking. I’m that broken person, who doesn’t know how to be a friend. I’m just that broken person. I’m just that inconsiderate, and I need you so badly Jesus because there’s a loop that I’ve been stuck in. When will I ever break free? When will I stop being in this loop of chaos, and selfishness? Will I ever break free from being insensitive? God just when will I ever be freed from this negativity that I feed. Father God, I need you. Oh God, I’m just so lost, and broken and in need of you. So God, I’m done with everything. I surrender, what do I need to be doing God? What should I be doing? God, can you hear me and reach out to my heart and mind and do the needed correcting. Father God, I need you. Amen 

I’m not here to chase a miracle, 

I’m here to chase the Maker

You don’t have to prove a thing at all 

To prove that You’re my Savior

10/13/16

Father God, I surrender this control that I have to be prepared in case of being blindsided. I’ve been doing this for the later part of my teens until now. Lord, it started as a mechanism that I needed to have because of what I was experiencing growing up. In my head, people would come for me. I thought that I had to come up with things to say in the event it would happen again. I was controlling how my future conversations with others would look like. Lord, I would practice come back for days, and just knew I was prepared. I truly believed at the time that no one had my back, or that no one would understand what I’m going through. It felt like no one knew how to relate to me. For so long just having something to relate to someone on was a stretch for me. I was just in my head Lord planning for things, meanwhile in college on top of all of this happening, I would be having tremors or mental shut downs. I even have panic attacks, and not even have anyone to tell them to. 

So if my mind won’t understand it 

It doesn’t limit Your love 

So Father open up the heavens 

Pour out Your spirit on Earth

It has been a while since I’ve experienced these attacks, they have been triggered around since late August-September, where just the buildup of my workload was beginning to happen. I’m having really intense panic attacks with the mental shut offs. I’m just overwhelm by everything, overwhelm by lies and what’s my reality. Learning to trust you in what my dark is, and trust that specks of light that I see still. Lord, I turn to you just needing your strength, and your Holy Spirt Lord to guide me through these next few days as Lord. 

Cause you’re in the pouring rain

You’re in every breath I breathe in 

You’re in the highest place

Still You never fail to meet me 

I come to you shedding the Wynee little girl mentality, and shedding the leaning on my own understanding through finding my own soother during the difficult conversations, that I have been having lately. I have been really tough to sit down with to discuss critical feedback with a superior. I also make it tough with the bestie, I don’t like constructive criticism, I shut down. I don’t like hearing what’s wrong at all. I don’t want to know, and I want to avoid everything all together. God using them as vessels to call me out of my bull. 

I’m not here to chase a miracle 

I’m here to chase the Maker

You don’t have to prove a thing at all

To prove that you’re my Savior

I surrender my soothers God. I surrender the way I fight to constantly advocate for myself. I don’t need to defend, and fight for brokenness when you’re already fighting for me, and you have the Victor’s Crown. God I surrender these vices, and just come to you wanting your ways and fruits of the spirit reveal every moments. The fruits of the spirit to reveal the day to day of my life. Lord, I no longer need to mentally store images of how to prepare for next time around, instead I invite your small still voice to tell me how to be still, and how to trust you. Lord, I’ll remain still, no need to think deep, because you have the grand master plan. 

So if my mind won’t understand it

It doesn’t limit your love

So Father open up the heavens

Pour Your Spirit on Earth

Father God, I surrender my combative spirit and just ways of making someone feel small. That is not something as a Christ ambassador I should be doing, that’s the opposite of who you’re calling me to be. But Lord, I come to you just saying no more. I have no need to do any of this. I have no need to walk in fear or just be okay with repeating the same broken patterns, because it’s not okay. 

God the other day at work, during professional development, I was acting so ungodly. I’m someone who battles my flesh, yet when I see someone else I’m quick to be judgmental. God you’re a kind King. God you are not a tyrant King. I was being tyrant. You meet all of us God. You love us God, no matter where we are on this journey of life, so who am I to act like I’m some flesh god deciding on what needs to get met. I realize that this insensitivity towards others is a part of my facade of thinking that I’m some chick who has the pass to what’s okay and what’s not. I’m not the authorizer for anything, that facade and dream Lord, I surrender to you. 

I still believe that I’m greater than great when I’m broken, and need you constantly every single day. There’s a level of gratification I want to get but it’s outside of you, and it’s too much of relying on the world. My brokenness of holding on to the world blinds me. How I warped my mind God, how I made this mindset to remain now. You are here to set me free God. Father God, I come to you in needing you desperately, to just make my mindset shift from “I” and “me”, to “You” and “we”. I’m not alone, I was never, but this me against the world mentality has got to drop. You created this world, and have given me the grace to be in it, but not of it. 

My anxieties are high Lord, I’m grieving who I use to be, and now finally seeing that I’m being set free to who you are calling me to be. All the happenings in my life are through you God. ALL of them. I couldn’t lead myself to grad school, that was you. I don’t want to walk through this tough wilderness, I am wanting more than this pitstop. I was aiming for more. 

Now seeing things for what they could be, and the blueprint that exist in what to be. Obedience is meant to set others free. Lord I come to you saying yes to the call that you have for me, and for the rest to join me and what we are lead to do in our kingdom moves. Father God, lead me to those who honor you and want to serve you. Father God, there’s nothing greater than to serve, I come to you. Lord, I serve you in your Holy Name Thank you Dad, Amen. I’m just calling you Dad because you know what, we are growing and getting deeper on this walk together God. And I see that you really are my Dad, and I’m now comfortable enough to call you that now.
Still Small Voice by Anna Golden just speaks the words of what the depth of intimacy that has transpiring between God and I. Father God, thank you for bringing me here. Where I’m bolder about who I’m chasing, and vocalizing more on what I am not chasing because that links to bondages and idols, but the clear view of who I’m chasing, solely Jesus. 

So if my mind won’t understand it

It doesn’t limit your love

So Father open up the heavens

Pour Your Spirit on Earth


So come in move 

Come in move

Come in move 

Come in move


I’m not here to chase a miracle 

I’m here to chase the Maker

You don’t have to prove a thing at all

To prove that you’re my Savior

Happy reading!! Happy Listening!! Blessings fellow siblings!! Xoxo

Advertisements