You keep overwhelming me 

You keep on rushing in, and I can’t breathe

Suffocating over you

And I can’t escape I’m in too deep

This must be the way it feels

When you’re drowning

When you’re drowning

When you’re drowning 


10/16/16

Father God today as I’m getting ready to head over to the Breast Cancer Walk with my mom and meet up with Regina Ann* and B*, there was never a thought that once we leave the house, we will see the cruelty and brokenness of humanity so strongly. Father God, on our way over to the walk, just the nasty argument that happened between your sons and daughter, was too much to bare. Father God the bullying I witnessed and seeing that boy has been feeling alone for his entire life. The way that that pain was felt, and how he’s been having to fight against this cruelty, Jesus. The anger and rage of chaos and brokenness that this world exchanges with one another, is hard to see. It’s hard to conceptualize, because this is your world God. This is your planet, when will we as people see how you are love, and this hate/fighting should not be happening. 

God, how we need you. How we need you so badly God. Be with all three individuals who were involved in the fight, and praise God that the people on the bus were telling the man with the disability to stay on the bus. They told him he’s safer on the bus. They told him don’t engaged. Father God, how many of your children just want to hear that they are safer here with you? How many of your children need to hear they are safe with you, in order to truly believe!? When will we stop making faith tangible as people? Father God, this morning’s reality showed me how much we have to pray not only for your Earth, but for heaven to crash on earth. 

 This must be the way it feels

This must be the way it feels

This must be the way it feels

This must be the way it feels

When you’re drowning

When you’re drowning

When you’re drowning

When you’re drowning




10/17/16

My midterm is due today God, this is hard. This is all hard, where everyday instead of living from paycheck to paycheck, I’m living from assignments to assignments. This is tough. These emotions that I feel, I just want to be remove from them. I just want to move on with my life. It all feels like I’m a narcissist, that chooses to harm herself in delving in these emotions. I’m just too through with feelings God. I think I’m insane to be bothered by no response from what you lead me to do God. That hurts and stings to type that. It hurts and stings to be in this space. 

Please God wake me up from this horrible dream, of having feelings for someone who is not in my space. Wake me up God from having feelings for someone who isn’t able to reciprocate them. Please God change this path that I am on. Change my whole path. Change my whole life. I just want to move on to somewhere else already. NYC isn’t where I want to be anymore, my heart is longing for somewhere far. Lord take me there, will you please, so that I can be set free. For too long I’ve naively believe that things would happen between me and this guy.

Father God, today was rough. The problems that I had with uploading my files for my midterm was so hard, and such a lesson on how much God I have to trust you with however my grades turned out. God, I just feel so tired mentally and emotionally; I’m drained of the entire day that I had. I just need to know God why does it get harder, why must emotions come out. Lord, how I need you. As you work in me God and push me to not turn people and things into idols or an escape from feeling or from allowing you to work in me. God, how at the end of the day, I need you. God I need you. Just with whatever tidal wave that comes next. 

My lack of being able to communicate God is a problem, and my lack of understanding with having discomfort of not knowing bothers me. Please help me in those areas God, please guide me in being a better listener and communicator. I am very weak in those areas. I am so aggressive in the wrong areas God, and I need your help with that. I need you to show me what to do in meetings, sisterhoods, and conversations. I pray for my constant ways of making assumptions don’t continue anymore. Hold me accountable Lord, from saying empty words and to instead speak truth. Push me God to be upfront. Father God, show me what to do. I need you God. I need you to just push me to no longer lean on my own understanding, and instead seek you Dad. You have all the wisdom, but instead too many times I often lean on my own understanding. There’s no wisdom leaning on what I know. All there is just a lot of hurdles I put in front of myself. Father God, I seek you with the nonsense that I demand from you. Father God, fix heart on how demanding, and entitled I feel I am. God fix my ways and mindset on how I am with things. The only way I respond to something is through harsh words or anger from someone to get my attention. Why is that God? Why can’t I respond to things in love? Why can’t I be a better listener to Regina Ann or to others? Why can’t I just be there? Why am I so tired? God you have me. 

 I can feel the tide is rushing in

But I’m incapable to break the waves

Like all of me is tied to an anchor

And I can’t let go

This must be the way it feels, mmm

When I’m drowning

When I’m drowning




10/20/16

God can I hear from you? Can I hear your truths? No more that he loves me. I just want you God to lead me to your waters, so that I can continue to grow in you. I can’t continue to do this but why. I have to press forward and move on. Show me how God. Just walk me through these next few hard months, where they will start. Where they will happen. Lord I’m letting go. Use this pain, and hurt for your glory, but Lord I’m letting go. I surrender, don’t need to hold on. I just want to walk in to an empty church and sing your songs. Praise your name through these emotions. Sing it out. Lord, put a new song in my heart.

Lord, what are the questions do I need to ask? I have to be a masochist that loves to get hurt. I’m torturing myself because you’re showing me that I am. Father God, walk me through all of this on top of the stress of going to grad school. Just walk me through life especially in this particular season. Father God, how I need you. 

Use what I am going through God for your glory. Use what I am going through to be free, from all bondages and just to trust you. Just to be free in who you are calling me to be. What do you want to start asking you God? What are the questions you want me to seek you in answering? God I come to you saying I want your will and trust you above all. I seek you God. I just seek you. Because I’m free from the pedestals, and bondages and brokenness that I was carrying. Clean my heart God. 


 This must be the way it feels
This must be the way it feels

This must be the way it feels

This must be the way it feels

When you’re drowning

When you’re drowning

When you’re drowning

When you’re drowning

When you’re drowning
When you’re drowning

When you’re drowning

When you’re drowning




10/23/16

God, what are my issues? Why is there so much fear in my heart? Fear that I will fall down the stairs of the train station, and be handicap due to how banged up my knee is. Fear paralyzes us as flawed humans, to believe we are better off than we can see or understand the blessings that God has for us. Fear allows for us to no longer take leaps, of facing ourselves because of the reaction of others. God I have so much fears, that I have been holding in for so long. The fears that I have are because I have my walk and faith so tangible. My fears were due to me thinking that I had to control and patrol, because of how things were looking for me. It’s hard for me to write this out God, I’m actually quite struggling because identifying what causes my fear, will actually free me. Identifying what’s really the issues that I need to bring to God within me. I don’t want to see them. I don’t want to know them. I don’t want to own them.

Father God, show me about myself. Reveal the truths about me that I am avoiding and wanting to hide and buried. Reveal who I am God to me, I’ve for so long battled what it is that I want or am looking for. It’s crazy how everyone identifies that I am in a space of god what is it that I want or desire, reveal your ways to me father.
10/25/16

Father God, I choose stillness and choose your plans. I choose your steps. I choose to drown in you. God I want my trials and tribulations to look a certain way. I want this struggle and hurdles to look a certain way. I want this struggle to be over. I’m unhappy with everything that’s happening in my life. I’m unhappy with my size. I’m unhappy with supervisors tripped up on their pedigree and see the determination to make my life challenging because I have a brain, and a voice I am not afraid to use. I’m not afraid to be a strong woman that makes sense and I’m not afraid to correct incompetence regardless of someone’s title. No one has a higher title than you God. Therefore I work for you not these difficult people I see everyday. 

God it’s hard to love. God I’m overwhelmed by what I pick up at work, how overwhelmed and in over their heads everyone around me is. And all you keep telling me God is to be still. God I’m in desperate need to show these people, I work with how to love. They don’t know love. They know routines and brokenness. My anxiety is so high from all the chaos, that I work with everyday. No one wants to be bold. Everyone wants to be paralyzed and oppressed. Habits regardless if they’re good or not, get picked up. That’s the hardest part about all of this. Being a light in this thick cloud of darkness. What is stillness looking like to you God? I don’t think I’m doing this right. Today I searched for it God. I need to walk in your expectation. Not mine, not the worlds, you’re God no one else is my savior. Show me how to be the vessel you need me to be in this season you have me walking in. Keep showing me through your supernatural moments, like yesterday at Starbucks, that you are with me God. Keep covering Regina Ann and I in this madness we both want out of. She wants out of New York so badly too. Keep making it clear what stays, and what goes in both of our lives. Thank you for your protection and love Father God.

Drowning by Derek Minor and V. Rose is such a great song with lyrics and voices that does the song such justice. It’s poetic with lyrics that resound deep feelings and thoughts. My stumble across this song is of great rewards because I seek to trust God as I continue to grow and drown in him. 

This must be, thus must be the way it feels, 

This must be, this must be the way it feels, 

This must be, this must be the way

This must be, this must be the way

This must be, this must be the way it feels,

The way it feels



Happy reading!! Happy listening!! Blessings!! Xoxo 

*denotes change for privacy reasons

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