I had a crazy dream recently, where at one point I was in the building of my job, with some of my colleagues. I was in front of them like in a line, and saw one of my supervisors, talking to a student on the benches by their office. Both the supervisor and the student, turned their head to see that I was in front of the line. Then it went to another scene where we were in some cafeteria, which was a large space room. Individuals from our old church were there. 

C* and I was in were in the same group, while Regina Ann* was singing with some people, in the front area of the room that we were all in. This real life couple was in the singing group with Regina Ann. The female of the couple sang, then the guy she was with followed, and then the ensemble that Regina Ann was with, started to join in as a choir behind all singing together. I was moved to tears. I didn’t have on my glasses, so things were slightly blurry besides my tears. Another girl we will call A* came over to me, when she saw the tears on my face, because the way the singing ensemble was so organic truly moved me.

I believed C was crying when she saw this real life couple, but I’m like God what are you saying to me about this real life couple? Are you trying to tell me that these two really belong together? So what about who he was with before, that girl hasn’t moved on the way this guy has with this new girlfriend. This true love stuff, and all that wrong couples that were around me at my old church; and how they were celebrated in their sin at my old church is too much. Love is too much to me now. I am so afraid of love because of how so much transpired. The wrongs are being seen as right, and being publicly supported by spiritual leaders, who are supposed to be true to the word of God first and foremost. The truth to God is being dismissed so heavily. There’s so much heaviness in my heart. I pick up so many burdens, at work. I picked up so many burdens, and hidden lies at my old church. I’m just tired of blind eyes turning. God we all need you so much. 

In the dream, A was really dressed up in holiday colors, and I was like I’ve never seen her this festive, and bold in wearing what she was. She’s also recently engaged in real life. Her soulmate makes her bold. I was walking around with this bag, but it was annoying as if it was bondages, that I was carrying around. Once Regina Ann and the group got up to sing, with the guy that’s a part of the real life couple, it’s like I knew to let the bag fall, and knew that I didn’t have to pick it back up ever again. That’s when A came over. A bondage that I have been walking around with, I became free from through the worship of God, was when A came. Regina Ann was smiling when she was singing. Worship is genuinely an occurrence that happens from the heart. Regina Ann was free, and happy when she was singing. This is what makes true worship part of the healing, and removing of bondages. 

When I prayed to God on this dream, God told me that this couple that’s together now, belong together. And that the other girl he was with was never for him. Things are moving for this guy and his new girlfriend at my old church, because God designed them to always be together. Regina Ann is called to sing, and she doesn’t want to believe she is. She doesn’t want to accept how big of a calling that is on her life. The more she tries to hide, the more she’s seen. God has her insane love story too. He’s working it out right before her eyes, no amount of denial or deflection can change this truth. I saw with my own eyes that God is working on my own love story. So I have no doubt God is working on hers. I have always been called to worship and praise. 

I love to sing but God has writing songs on my horizon when the time is right. I always turned to music when I saw how society ostracized me. Music has always made me feel free. There’s so much unhappiness around me, and there’s so many unhappy people near me. It’s hard for me to be God’s ambassador in this challenging season; because of all the brokenness and unhappiness that I see, pick up, and have to be around. I’m tired. I am tired of seeing the favoritism towards performing scholars that are high. And those scholars that are not performing well are being ignored. It hurts me, and I pick up this blatant disregard to the least of these. Biblically we are called to lift least of these. So, I’ll be their fighter and champion. I’ll be their bridge because God called me to be. God is my savior. God is with me. God will show me what to do, and how to move through this wilderness of brokenness at work. Nothing is bigger than God. 

Happy reading and God bless!!! (*denotes name change for privacy reasons.)

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