Grace, glorious grace, grace, glorious grace

At the cross You called it finished

Grace, wonderful grace,

Grace, wonderful grace

At the cross all of my sin is

Covered, covered, covered by Your grace,  

Oh covered, covered 

Covered by Your grace

11/28/16

Until this morning father God, I never spoke truly on what happened to me. Sometimes when an intense moment from my past pops up, in my head there’s a moment of stillness in my life that follows. Reflection has been happening lately about the days of when I was in sales, and on the field. There was a lot that would happen on the field. And when heading back to the office from being on the field for 8 hours, the sales culture I worked in didn’t allow any negative discussion, or any harsh experiences on the field that occurred because of new people. The managers would say as planting seeds: that you don’t remember the no’s when you get the yes; but what they also failed to tell you was that some of the no’s would haunt you forever. 

This is something that I have been suppressing, and not speaking up about since I was pushed out of the sales world almost 3 years ago. It’s also identical to the time I was beginning to come to my faith in God. I remember the no’s more than the yeses. I remember the doors slamming on my face and the curses people threw in my face. I am remember being threaten with that gun, which was so traumatic for me. But the fact that I showed up the next day, was me making the nonverbal decision to become a slave to the wrong master: money.

Grace, beautiful grace, grace, beautiful grace

At the cross, love everlasting

Grace, powerful grace, grace, powerful grace

At the cross all of my past is

Covered, covered, covered by Your grace, 

Oh covered, (you got me) covered, covered by your grace

I became a slave to the sales world and everything that encompasses with it. I was upset when God was pushing me out of sales, and was closing all doors that was associated with this field. There were several situations, where God protected me from being assaulted or hurt. God is so faithful. It was hard to see God’s protection in the midst of me still wanting to cling to the brokenness, of money; that God was removing me from. 

I surrender the spirit of thinking I need to head back to the world of sales; to take care of unfinished financial business, when there isn’t any reason to go back to that darkness. I was great at making sales, but I also lost myself. I was beginning to dress in ways that would get a man’s attention in the wrong ways. I was heading down a road of utter destruction, not realizing in the midst of it, I was in the pit of my flesh which is death. 

No matter what I’ve done, no matter where I’ve been

No matter how I fall, You pick me up again

You have removed my shame, You take me as I am

You call me justified, (now I am covered by) now I am covered by Your grace

Covered, covered, covered by Your grace,  

Oh covered, (you cover me) covered, 

Oh I’m covered by Your grace


Father God, how you love me so much to save me from myself. The decisions that I’ve made on the field, are the very same ones that I am surrendering to you now. I am seeking you to renew my mind. For so long God, I chose myself and my ego, like the saying Beyoncé sings goes, “Me, myself and I is what I got in the end.” I would beg people for their availability of being my partner, or my friend. I was seeking and searching for that partnership, and working as a team my way. I made the mental switch, and vowed to work alone when I saw no one wanted to work with me….my way. To not work with others unless it’s a must, because I can do all this on my own…. my way. 

11/30/16

Every choice I make: good or bad has a rippling effect. But I decided to be still God, and choose love. I choose to leap in faith, despite how things look on the surface. I choose you. I surrender all God. The way that I micromanage people, and things. Trusting you about grad school, and these certifications, you have all God. Trusting you with next year. With my household. I surrender every attempts to try to control my life. I seek you instead of my way. It’s no longer about me. It’s about you, and your ways. I choose trust you God above all. I see why you are here with me in these storms in my life. I won’t let go no matter how hard everything gets. You have me Lord. I trust you over fears. I choose positivity over negativity. I choose stillness over my kinetic movements. I choose trusting in you over myself. I choose you above all God. 

No matter what I’ve done, no matter where I’ve been

No matter how I fall, You pick me up again

You have removed my shame, You take me as I am

You call me justified, now I am covered by…

I had a dream God that was about a brother in Christ who had feelings for me at one point. I didn’t want to connect this because I saw it all as untrue, he shouldn’t have any feelings for me because I’m not his rib. I saw in this dream that we were in this outdoor space, that had a beautiful scenery. Regina Ann* saw a restaurant that was nice to eat and me, and this other girl I haven’t seen since junior high or elementary was there taking a seat with me at this restaurant. 

Our food just showed up but Regina Ann wasn’t sitting down with us. She was down by some low valley patio of a restaurant that she was waving to us to come to, while our food just showed up. So we grab our stuff to go while our plate remain at the table. While heading down, I ran into the brother in Christ who had the feelings for me. He was wearing a pink/orange jacket with a white tee underneath. 

No matter what I’ve done, no matter where I’ve been

No matter how I fall, You pick me up again

You have removed my shame, You take me as I am

You call me justified, now I am covered by Your grace

I asked him if he was able to clear the table for me and he said yes. I also picked up from this brother that he was battling having feelings for me, and let go because he knows it’s not me. The former classmate and I started headed down to where Regina Ann was, but all of a sudden carved out wood doors open up for us to enter to another room that looked like a hotel lobby. We kept walking past everything and everyone. I saw that the security desk had another brother in christ. 

I saw a sister in Christ that Regina Ann and I are growing into a fellowship with she had a messed up nail polish on her left thumb. That’s the last part of the dream I remembered. I woke up saying to myself what was that about? The brother in Christ with the jacket is about to enter a beautiful covenant with his soulmate. I pray that whatever he’s holding on to or wish should’ve happen he surrenders to God. It came to me that he was thinking that we had a chance to have something happen, because of our commonalities and similar upbringings. But God doesn’t confirm stagnancy. He confirms growth. God confirms ways that are higher. God confirms edification. There is no edification in flesh. There’s no growth in flesh.

Covered, covered, covered by Your grace, oh

Covered, covered, covered by Your grace

Covered, covered, covered by Your grace, oh

(I am) covered, (covered in your grace) covered, covered by Your grace

There’s a part of me that battles me liking these wrong men liking me. My flesh. My flesh feeds chaos, and my ego. My flesh does more harm than good for me. So the truth is I’m not ready for a relationship, if I can’t even be upfront with how I like the attention that I get from men and battle surrendering this. How could I be ready for a marriage? Or even a healthy sisterhood? That’s why I have so much issues with people. The impurities on my heart, the impurities that I allow to dwell in my heart. 

It’s honestly a control flesh god facade, because I know that nothing will truly happen with these men because I know who my ribcage is; but it’s honestly feeding that side that falsely leads me to believe that I need to experience a wrong relationship, so that I can be ‘better’ prepared for my God ordained marriage. I can be prepared for whenever I get courted or taken out on a date because I did it wrong too. I can finally experience things that normally people did. So in reality I was feeding the world’s expectation of what normal is, and what is tolerable to my life according to me. God has saved me from a hinderance to my facade, because of what the world has to be the okay with the way to live. Pleasing man became more important than pleasing you God.

12/1/16

This mental shutting off that I’m experiencing God is so real. It’s so hard waking up every day and just push through. Father God, how I need your strength. I’m crying out to you in-regards to needing you. I’m teaching and I’m dealing with the nonsense I am dealing with, on various levels of disrespect and disregard is a lot. There’s a lot going on, especially when it’s so close to the end of the year. It seems all the aggression, and anger that’s been hidden has been stored up to the point of no longer wanting to get out of bed. I no longer want to educate your children. How badly I just want to quit it all God. How badly I want to walk away from this calling? 

It’s been over a week since I’ve read your word. Today I tried for like a split second. I miss the humble beginnings when I was able to read your word at a designate time every day. And these days, I have to fight and catch my breath, and realize it’s time to just fight, and make the time to read the word. How much I feel disrespected. How much I feel like there’s micro-aggression at my job? How status is what gets you heard, and what gets your voice to have opinions or to be taken seriously? Lord, how I went through it these last few months. How I just would break out and cry, no one would practically know, but I went through it. I only did it clinging to you. Lord, I pray for discernment as I continue to work with others, who want to feed their own need instead of being there for others. I pray for just clarity over everything. Lord, walk with me. Cover me Lord.

No matter what I’ve done, no matter where I’ve been

No matter how I fall, You pick me up again

You have removed my shame, You take me as I am

You call me justified, now I am covered by…

I thank you for your grace father God, for how you cover me with your grace endlessly. Father God, it’s the weekend and I know that changes are ahead and I’m only walking, with the changes because of you God. I’m also just trusting you as I let go of it all, my past, the years at the business. and just my time at my old church. I trust you with the leaps that I’m taking God because you are covering me.

Covered by Planetshakers from their This Is Our Time (Live) is simply what God is doing in me. He is covering me as I come face to face with my truths and who I’ve been. God has covered me since conception but it’s up to me to fully understand and believe that I’ve received his grace freeing myself from my condemnation regardless of what I’ve done or where I’ve been. 

(Oh) No matter what I’ve done, no matter where I’ve been

No matter how I fall, You pick me up again

You have removed my shame, You take me as I am

You call me justified, now I am covered by Your grace

Happy Reading!! Happy Listening!! God bless you on your journey!! Xoxo 

(* denotes name change for privacy reasons) 

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