Hanging on for love, for you, youI can’t get enough of you, you

12/4/16

Todays sermon on Luke 2:22-32: The Foolish Way of Waiting

1. Abide 

2. Be Prudent 

3. Discern

4. Community

Lord, I surrender the level of shame that I’ve had when it comes to publicly acknowledging, and letting it be known that you are God. I’ve leaned on my own understanding and fears, instead of being able to trust you in praising your name publicly amongst those who don’t see. It is solely you who works in us, and bring us from glory to glory. So Father God, I allowed shame to cause me to feed this ego of mine. Thinking that things have to come off like it was me who did it, when it was never me or will ever be that lie. I chose to allow the world have its way, instead of fighting for truth and your kingdom to be recognized and praised. Father God, I repent for my ways, and just choose to leap in taking these steps of not being unafraid or weary of how much you’ve blessed me. God I choose to speak of your name publicly on my lips so the whole world can see. God I choose to no longer feed my ego or Wynee. My tongues chooses to speak truth and not my fleshly identity. Correction is so hard for me to receive or listen to. That’s why you use Regina Ann as you do. That’s why you’ve taught her God to rise above my pushback. That’s why you are a far greater God than I could ever be. That’s why you lead me to Hebrews 11 below through Regina Ann so I could walk through my truths of shame. So I can finally be set free.

“All these people were still living by faith when they died. They did not receive the things promised; they only saw them and welcomed them from a distance, admitting that they were foreigners and strangers on earth. People who say such things show that they are looking for a country of their own. If they had been thinking of the country they had left, they would have had opportunity to return. Instead, they were longing for a better country—a heavenly one. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for he has prepared a city for them.”

Hebrews 11:13-16 NIV

I’m tired God. I’m tired of this battle between fear and truth. I’ve fed fear for so long, now hearing my reality check at new life, and witnessing a baptism hearing the powerful question: do you reject satan and the world? This is all too much. My bubbles popping is too much. I wasn’t asked that when I was baptized. The word ‘no’ pops about me rejecting the world and satan as my answer. I have to reject the world, and satan everyday. It takes 21 days to build a habit, good or bad. That reminds me of the Daniel fast I tried to get Regina Ann and I to do, which you blocked. I wanted a quick fix. My answer to my sins are quick fixes. But that is not your answer for my pruning or my walk. I have to choose truth everyday. I have tell myself, that I choose truth your way not my way. No one knows my struggle because spiritual warfare is brushed under a rug, when this is a very real part of this walk. Father God, who am I serving!? What master did I say yes to?! I pray it’s wholeheartedly you God. I pray Lord, that I’m seeking you daily. 

Feel the love 

Can you feel the love 

Feel the love 

It’s unconditional 

Fill it up

Go and fill it up 

Fill it up 

Something spiritual 

Here I am fighting to seek you daily. To choose the Holy Spirit and not my flesh, but it’s been quite the opposite lately. I’ve been feeding flesh all this time. I’m fighting but drowning and sunk. I’m here trying and pushing after you and it seems God, that nothing is working out. I choose you. I say that I choose you, but the flesh god facades choose to prevail on. Because I allow them. Letting go of control, and perfection is hard. And the paralyzing fears are what I keep feeding. I’ve been giving life silently, and now I’m drowning out what’s right and what is of God. 

You, you, you know there’s something in the water 

Something in the water, something in the water

You, you, you got that flame getting hotter 

Flame getting hotter, flame getting hotter 

Something in the water, something in the water

You, you, you know there’s something in the water

Something in the water

There’s something in the water, something in the water 

Something in the water, something in the water 

Something in the water

Something, something 

I’m in need of the renewal of my mind God. I’m in need of change in my heart. I can no longer do the same things over and over expecting a different result. Yesterday I surrendered acting aloof like I don’t know what is going on, and being immature. I choose to step into the womanhood, that you’re calling me into. I don’t know how to do it. I believe that people don’t understand what it feels like to fight to hear your voice and to be still. But you show me through Regina Ann that isn’t true because you revealed so much to her that keeps shocking me. It’s me continuously leaning on my own understanding. It’s me continuously choosing my flesh. But God, I need you so desperately because I feel so out there that I don’t know where I am. 

I’m diving deep into you, you

Everything I need is you

I lay in a bed at night, and I am not comfortable. It’s a bed that I’ve been used to sleeping in. This has been my bed all my life. I am no longer comfortable with that bed. I’ve never been comfortable with myself, or my life for a very long time. I’ve been passing through probably waiting for death according to me. Probably thinking that I’m going to get killed or something. More of me leaning on my own understanding. 

Feel the love 

Can you feel the love 

Feel the love 

It’s unconditional 

Fill it up 

Go and fill it up 

Fill it up 

Something spiritual 

I don’t know how to be comfortable in your godly discomfort. I don’t know how to be still for long your way. But what I do know is that I need you. I am in desperate need of you. I can’t breathe anymore. I can’t sleep anymore. I can’t do this how I used to anymore. I can’t. I can’t God. So here I am just begging you God at the altar needing you, and seeking you because I don’t know where to walk. It’s my shame, and my fears that I have to constantly surrender to you. I just need you God. I can’t anymore. I drown in you, and not in my own cesspool that I think is ordain by you. I choose you. 

No one knows of this according to me, but you keep showing me through Regina Ann that’s my own understanding I keep choosing to feed. There’s a lot you’ve revealed to her that she follows your lead and not go ahead of you. If I were her I would’ve went ahead of you God. That’s why I don’t know what she knows, I’m not mature enough to handle what you’ve pruned her to handle. 

You, you, you know there’s something in the water 

Something in the water, something in the water

You, you, you got that flame getting hotter 

Flame getting hotter, flame getting hotter 

Something in the water, something in the water

You, you, you know there’s something in the water

Something in the water

There’s something in the water, something in the water 

Something in the water, something in the water 

Something in the water

Something, something

I don’t speak on everything that I go through, because I think that I can handle it. Yet Regina Ann knows the things I keep silent inside. I think that it will go away. No one knows, maybe a few ‘know.’ I’ve had a lot of hurt, and anger in my heart. I’m angry by the director, and principal at the school I work in. I’m angry at this broken education system. I’m angry at this world for how I became jaded. I’m angry at my parents for feeding the wrong spirit. I’m angry at my sister for having bubbles. I’m angry at everyone for not being understanding of how I process or think on things according to me. But the reality is Regina Ann understands. You showed her how. 

I still choose to be angry at you God because I’m alive, and I’m getting older and there’s these bondages that I have constant challenges with surrendering. God I’m so hurt by being here in Brooklyn, New York, and for so long I’ve been wanting to just leave and start new elsewhere. I thought I had to go anywhere else to find you, because I wasn’t finding you here. And then I did and now here I am. I’m just wanting to be still enough to understand what is it that you want from me? I’m struggling so badly God, just focusing on the wrong things, and not where you want me to seek or see. Clean my heart. Just clean everything about me. I surrender my flesh god facades. I surrender it all. I choose peace, show me and hold me accountable for taking a leap in wanting your truth and clarity. Push me to grow my faith and seek where you want me to be.

Feel the love 

Can you feel the love 

Feel the love 

It’s unconditional 

Fill it up 

Go and fill it up 

Fill it up 

Something spiritual 

The truth is God, I’m always condemning myself because I just don’t know how to approach you God. I’ve been called out or exposed or shown my transgressions, by Regina Ann or anyone else; it triggers me back to my childhood when I would get beatings. I’ve connected correction to abuse. 

I wouldn’t know how to approach the person afterwards when I was a child, so correction is abusive to me and I go to the same place. Not knowing if they still loved me, or not. The perfectionism happens because I’m aiming to have them love me, and aiming to know how to approach them again. I’ve put Regina Ann in the same place I put my parents. I’ve been treating Regina Ann all this time as if she abused me like my parents did when I was a child. This is what I do to you God so this is why there’s so many problems with my sisterhood with Regina Ann. Correction is abuse to me. 

Fast forward to where now and I’m an adult and this is what hinders our relationship God. I will never be good enough, and I’ll get slapped any second now. Correction is not abuse. I pray for the peace to truly see that, and understand that in my heart God, more than in my mind: You correct me because you love me. Father God I surrender my perfectionism spirit. I surrender the condemnation on myself, and truly want this and all surrenders to come from the heart and not be empty words. 

I’ve played mental games and they have caused me more pain than the freedom you want me to have God. Why do I still do this God? Remove this from me. Hold me accountable to no longer feed fears and choose your truths. Hold me accountable to finally stop running from being Still and not turning all of these words into hot air. I pray these words would have meaning God. I pray these words of surrender are from the depths of my heart. I don’t want to hear the lies to keep me where I’m at, so convict me with truth. Hold me accountable God. Show me myself so that I can pray for the removal of all things that are not of you. Father God, I pray for my words to have meaning. Show me how to be accountable of what’s of you, and your will for my life. Amen.

 In the Water by Gawvi in his Lost In Hue EP has just a uplifting rhythmic beat that truly is resembling about how God makes all things new. Love what this song is doing in Christian music and being the new wave of what worship can be and how we are all different instruments being used to bring God glory. 

Happy reading!! Happy listening!! God bless bros and sis’!!!! Xoxo

(* denotes name change for privacy reasons) 

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