Survival Mode

Lord, I need you with my finances, 

It’s a struggle to get a reimbursement, 

and the money is still so little. 

Like how am I suppose to survive?
They don’t understand my struggle,

as my stomach grumbles. 

I truly am just struggling,

with the size that I am, 

a medium from an extra large,

doesn’t change, that 

I’m not a small or a one

They don’t know, but do they

Do they know how I feel? 

Do they care I don’t feel loved,

because I was the ESL girl,

with the bubbles in her hair 

I have been put down so far,

that I didn’t lean on God,

because I believe 

he placed me down 

there with the backing of Jesus 

Jesus are you real? 

I’m here doubting, 

because of how things been

Jesus are you real? 

Because I’m here doubting, 

due dates of broken promises 
This place triggers everything, 

that has happened to me,

every day before I came to you God. 

This place triggers the fight,

that I’ve had to face practically all of my life. 

This place triggers,

that I will never measure

to anything because of my position 

This place triggers the ten years, 

I’ve wasted on a crush,

that was never going to lead nowhere

This place triggers,

that I’ve been struggling

for all of my life, 

and I’m trying to make something,

out of myself

I’m still struggling 

This place triggers, 

that I’m not successful 

based on the world’s standards 

This place triggers,

that I have guilt and regret 

of the decisions, 

that I’ve made in the past 

This place triggers, 

that I don’t know what I want, 

God you hold off 

on telling me more 

This place triggers, 

that I’m not there,

and may never be 

This place triggers, 

that I have to prove

to broken people 

how smart I am, 

because I went to a college, 

that no one has ever heard of 

I’m just triggered everyday,

that I don’t love people, 

I have a hard time with humans 

who exist no matter the age 

I have a hard time, 

with this place that I’m in, 

that I’ve been placed on hold 

to create, I just wanted a space to claim because then the claim would be public 

and not heed by grieving 

I just wanted what was true 

and what was promise

I keep choosing the broken things,

because they are empty promises 

that I’ve been praying,

and hoping to come true, 

but then there’s changing 

the rules that I have to get use to 

God, it’s a hobbit of habits 

what I do now? 


One Comment Add yours

  1. 🔥🔥🔥 YAS you better free yourself songwriter. So proud of you and I love you beautiful ❤

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