I am just perplexed that I’m in this temporary but unknowing season of employment with Regina Ann*. I don’t know how to come to you, when I just am seeking you for reassurance God that everything is going to be okay. Father God, as I write out to you how I feel, the memories and recalling of last night’s sermon replays in my head; to give gratitude and thanks in midst of the “through it” that I am in. I am in the middle of something I can sense it and feel it.
As I humble myself to realize how good you are to me God, that you are still right here with me, as I take leaps into the deeper unknown, and fully trust you with all my heart. I don’t know what the response back will be, and if I do then I find it hard to believe, but I choose to thank you for wanting so much more for me. I choose to thank you, that you pulled me out of that place when I was settling for less than greater for myself, because I was getting a paid education.
Thank you for loving me so much, that you do not what me to settle in the love story you have for me, when I’m thinking that settling was the only way to receive “real love”. Father God I do not know, or I’m not fully aware of your plans for me, and if I am then I pray that you please make them so clear that there’s no confusion, or misinterpretation on what you are saying are the next steps. Father God, continue to just walk me through these waves of emotions, that are inflicted by my insecurities.
I need you God as I truly try to push myself to not freak out, or panic about whatever these next moves may be. Father God I need you on how to move next. I need you with my prosperity, and future days ahead. I need you in increasing my trust and security in you. Father God, everyday you are stripping me and challenging my thinking about my “secure plan,” and what is the best option for me. As I push to not settle, and no longer seek a job that is a paycheck, but be prepared to what I’m called to do. As I trust you with my goals and plans. The leaps that I have been taking has me feeling that maybe nothing is possible, or what am I not doing enough? Am I really resting or just being lazy?
God I’m having such a hard time with things. I am saying yes to the next doors. As I write out my frustrations, I realize to conclude this with praises and thanks. Father God thank you that I am not where I used to be. Many years ago I would be desperate, and settled for something as long as it could cover my bills being paid, but I am now in a space where I choose to trust you, despite how things may seem, despite what is the opposite of the norm.
Thank you God for pulling me out from a space where I was unhappy, and just drowning every day. Thank you God for loving me through my fears and resistance. Thank you God for how I have the peace of God that surpasses all understanding. Thank you God that I am no longer bound to any chains that would be used to condemn me. Thank you God that I am still standing despite the many who tried to offer me the world. Thank you God I am still standing despite the many that tried to knock me down. I am only here today because of you God.
On 4/4/14 you saved me. You walked me down that church aisle to the front of the altar, and I lay down my life. I said yes to walking in faith, and wanting to have a relationship with Jesus Christ. Father God thank you for breath. Thank you for everything. Thank you God as you hold what lays ahead for me. Father God I thank you that a relationship with you is forever evolving. Thank you God for all the unspoken things, that I have not mention or can’t recall. Thank you Abba, I love you. Amen.
(*denotes name change for privacy reasons)