I’m so jacked up

when we left 

It’s getting harder

then God uses 

the distance to pull out weeds

Regina Ann* now admits 

her lies inside

no wonder she’s not with him

he wanted to sex her up

right in front of everybody 

and then God made us leave 

I’m not even with her like that 

and she can no longer lie or hide

It’s getting harder 

there’s a yearning in all of us

I’m so jacked up

to be in his proximity 

and now he’s away from me

God made us leave 

I’m so jacked up

Regina Ann’s jacked up

there’s a yearning in all of us

we all want that soulmate love 

maybe that’s why he wants

to give it all up

I could be wrong God 

I just want truth God 

God telling me he loves me

comes off like a manipulation 

I cannot do this 

His struggle to be upfront

He wants me to regret that day

but I had to walk away 

When God showed him

I was going to do that 

Brother only did to Regina Ann 

what she outwardly showed 

He knew this would come out 

He didn’t want me to know 

I don’t know what’s going on anymore 

I just know Jesus died over 2,000 years ago

I can’t leave him 

I’m too emotionally evolved 

You cannot leave 

What God placed in my heart 

I walked away that day because 

he made me feel like an embarrassment 

He triggers all men and boys 

wanting me in secret 

He triggers my catholic school days

By wanting me privately not publicly 

He has the nerve to try and pet me

before the rug gets pulled from underneath me

I walked away from the Wynee not trying to give herself more than where she is

The moment I walked away I got three jobs

Maybe that’s what pisses him off

that I wanted more and I wanted better

When a man wants you he’s intentional

he wasn’t intentional, I wasn’t what 

you wanted or needed that’s fine.

God is an intentional God 

So men will be intentional when they want you

It’s not about me walking away 

It’s about me wanting better than him

He gets work published and cash

What do I have? Poetry?

What’s that going to do for me?

I didn’t want to feel 

like a public embarrassment 

He needs to stop sweeping things underneath the rug

and take the trash out 

Not pay someone 

to throw out your trash, throw it yourself 

If you really want to be intentional

What he’s doing is crumbs 

I want more than crumbs

I sound like a girl 

heartbroken over a guy 

that never wanted to be with her 

I’m not it

A crush that’s gone too far

That’s why I don’t want to talk about him

That’s why I don’t want to write about him

I don’t understand why I have to write about him

April 12, 2015 was a girl crush

He won

(* denotes name change for privacy reasons) 

Advertisements