I don’t know what I want. 

I just want God’s truths about me.

I want truth about this place that I’m in. 

The words that were repeated 

for the 99th time don’t hurt enough. 

The words that are express don’t

trigger the back against the wall.

The words don’t trigger being a fighter.

The words don’t trigger no longer wanting 

to delay the blessings that 

He wants to place on upon me.

The words that were repeated don’t hurt me.

I can’t feel, because I don’t want feelings. 

I reap a feeling that nothing will be enough.

I need reassurance that i will only find in God.

Humans no longer participate in my assurance.

I don’t push myself to go to God first.

Because I don’t have to face what’s inside.

The brokenness that blinds sight.

The wild one that doesn’t want taming.

The lost one thinking rebelling is popular.

I don’t want to leap to the unseen 

because that means I’m free.

I am not mentally healthy. 

I feed sagas and dramas.

I made a decision by omission. 

I need the peace that Jesus brings.

I thought my idols were my identity.

I pray it hurts enough now.

I pray it was the back against the wall 

that will cause the fighter in her to swing out. 

I pray that these weeds hurt enough.

I’m holding back my yes that the world needs.

The attacks come when the beauty 

in my eyes decides to take a leap. 

The enemy hates the clawing that 

I am willing to take to be free.

Did I forget how to fight?

Or do I want to fight for what’s blinding me?

What’s my strife? 

Where’s my healer?  

I need my healer.

I need my beliefs to be aligned 

to the Heavenly Kingdom not the world. 

I declare for that I am chasing after you 

no matter how foolish I look.

And lead us not into temptation, 

but deliver us from evil: 

For thine is the kingdom, 

and the power, and the glory, 

for ever. Amen.”

‭‭Matthew‬ ‭6:13‬ ‭KJV‬‬

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