Wyn's Playlist

© Wynee Ganthier and wynsplaylist.wordpress.com, 2014-2017. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Wynee Ganthier and wynsplaylist.wordpress.com with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Stillness  — March 29, 2017

Stillness 

Father God,

It's been real these last few weeks to days leading up to end of March. Father God how stillness is just a wrestle for me, when I'm so used to finding like so many things to do to keep myself busy, and push for productivity. But trusting you God in the midst of this season, where things have gone in a whole other direction is truly an example of how you are in control of everything Dad. 

We truly have to walk in blind faith when it comes to this walk, and journey with you. Father God as I wait, because you are truly telling me to be still and wait on you. I make failed attempts towards gauging on what could it possible be that you are telling me to do next. Father God, as I journal down my thoughts, I pray that I am truly dwelling in your presence, and open to everything that you have for me, and want to offer me. I pray that you are just filling me up, but also father God I'm wanting to be overflowed with your love and peace. 

Change is something that I am giving less resistance to, but there's still an evolution in me that needs to happen daily as I grow to desire your ways to choose over my own understandings. Father God, I pray that I am open to the truths about myself. Stillness father God I am learning is hard to do, when there is no outdoor patio to watch the sunset, while waiting on Jesus to give you the message that you need to hear. 

Father God, it's real being where I am for the past several days, the renewal of my mind is happening rapidly as I am shedding and growing new skin. It's all because of you God. I thank you for all that you have done, and continue to do each day for as long as I still have breath in my lungs. Father God, as I wake up everyday in this household that I am currently in, I clearly see the traits and manners that I have clung to, due to habits and cultural identity and transferred mannerisms from my parents. 

Father God, how real is it when you see that the patterns of what your parents are doing, are what you do, and realizing that you cannot take them to the next glory. Thank you God that you love me so much, that you are doing the work in me, preparing me for where you are taking Regina Ann* and I next. Pruning us to be unashamed about doing the foolishness of God. 

Father God, it's been real seeing in me how much was still not being surrendered over to you, and doing a heart check on what is truly in the deep pit of my heart and soul. Seeing what is ungodly, and to hand it over to you in exchange for your sovereignty over my life, by trusting you with everything that you are leading me to do. Abba, thank you for the growing accountability in taking a leap, but also in expressing gratitude. 

Thank you father for the small victories, that have lead to greater ones throughout my journey on this walk with you God. I could not have done this alone by myself, no way. It's truly all of you and only you God, walking with me and just chiseling me bit by bit. Father God, as I come to you continuously laying it all down, and wanting your peace instead of my fleshly thinking of what peace can be. As I read last night in scripture in Psalm 37:37, "a future awaits those who seek peace…" 

True peace comes from you God, yes we can light that candle to give the room some ambiance or worship music to set the room; however, those are accessories that God doesn't need in order to connect with you. There is the yearning of stillness, that God has directed for you have with him. Father God, as I grow in this walk with you as a Christian, I truly am wanting you to hold me accountable with the stillness that you are calling me to have with you. You truly are strengthening me, and stretching me in this area. I am in stillness more than the day before. Father God, I thank you for constantly showing me intimacy and grace, towards the growing relationship that I have with you. Abba, your love never fails, and it never gives up on me…..in Jesus name, Amen.

(*denotes name change for privacy reasons)

Behold (Part II) — March 23, 2017

Behold (Part II)

3/23/17

Being still is very hard for me Father God, as I come to you no longer wanting to get suck in the reels of the Explorer page of Instagram. I lay down my desires with cosmetics, skin care, beauty regiments, and hair, body, nails. 

God I truly desire, and I come to lay it all down to you. I want your way father God over my own way. I want you to show me, and lead me instead of being self-lead. Father God this is something that I have been wrestling with you on for while, but I realize after this trip to Alabama that just passed it needs to end. It is always better to trust, and lean on you than on myself. I have such a hard time with being still because it’s a matter of control, and growing deeper in trusting you. 

Father God, make a way for me as I take a plunge to dive in your waters of trust. I am choosing gratitude of giving you these deepest desires of my heart over fear and control. Trust for so long father God was the hardest for me to do, but once I began to trust you Lord, and welcome you into my space, and proclaiming that I want only your presence to dwell on me that’s when you drove even greater changes in my life to happen. 

As I grow and draw near you Lord, I pray that I continue to trust you in giving you my desires and dreams. Very rarely father God do I talk about or mention these things to you. As I grow in your love Father, I found myself evolving in what you are placing in my heart, and I find myself having visions and dreams bigger than my heart can believe. 

God all these things lead back to you, and what you’ve placed in my heart. Everything that you have placed in my heart within me is for your kingdom. God I surrender the little that I have or known so far, so that there’s room for you to bless me with big. Father God, I pray that you reveal the plans of my life, or road paths to take, so that along the way I am praising you and giving you all the glory as it all comes back to you. 

Search me O’Lord, and any wickedness that is found within my heart take out and replace with your spirit of love, joy, kindness, and all the fruits of the Holy Spirit. Father God, show me want to do with the gifts, dreams, and desires that I have, and how to remain in tact on expanding your kingdom than feeding my flesh. Your gifts are to show those who do not know you why trusting you is better than trusting anyone else. 

With you by my side Lord I call you to guide me in all times especially in moments when I lack to seek you first. God as I continue to grow in running to you Father God I pray that all desires, dreams, and goals that are placed on my heart I pray over each, and every single decision that I am required or needed to make on them. 

I pray for both Regina Ann* and I, as we take a leap in the next phase, that you have already written out for us. Father God we say yes to your path, your will, your ways. Father God, we call on you to make and break any arsenal that we need or must dismantle. We pray to grow in spending more moments with you Lord, as whatever is next that we are entering into with you Lord lead us. 

We pray Lord that we spend more moments of stillness even now, as we are at rest and bay before you lay out the plans and guide our steps. Lord we come to you seeing why stillness is the way. As I write out all of this Father God, I see how stillness brings restoration and preparation before moving on to the next glory. I am being prepared for what’s next, and leaning on my own understanding was making me think that I have to quickly make moves, and figure out what are the next plans or steps to take. 

Abba, how you love me so much that you’ve blocked or stopped me in my tracks from looking like my former self. You are showing me how a reset is necessary in order to attain growth and healthy habits. Father God, I thank you so much for loving me, and from stopping me from creating more harm for myself. The hustle and bustle of what I use to do, cannot come with you and I to this next glory. So I choose to walk your path in peace and love as you lay the plans and blueprints on my heart. Amen.

Birming…..him — March 19, 2017

Birming…..him

We get attacks through changes and breakthroughs 

We get attacks through the dismantling of gauging how things are appearing in our eyes 

We get attacked just because we chose to be obedient 

We get attacked just because we choose to let go of what we use to do

Changes create a segue to leap into things that just might scare you, but also prepares you for greater truth

Reach beyond what you think you can teach

Seek beyond what you think you can meet in Him only 

God can only change you, not even you yourself or your idols 

Not your dreams coming true can manage you 

God has to salvage before you can be made new

The Maker is the King of what is truly dreams come true 

Let’s make history he tells me, 

I can’t do it if I’m not suppose to, 

it has to be His will above you

Do you hear me? 

I said I choose God above you 

That means I’m here to sharpen you in choosing truth, 

not to lose

Fear more than consumes you, 

it gives you things to breed that leads to you losing what’s good and truth

Trust me, that’s only in God to do the seeking in

He’s ready, he chooses truth and you 

Victory Belongs To Jesus  — December 23, 2016

Victory Belongs To Jesus 

Who will stand against the Lord

No one can, no one will

Who can stand against our King

No one can, no one will 

Oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh

Victory belongs to Jesus 

Victory belongs to him 

Oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh

Victory belongs to Jesus 

Victory belongs to him

I had a dream during my nap today God. In the dream there were kids from my school, and some other kids of whom I didn’t know. They were sitting in the dining, and living room area of my house taking a state test. I had to call up a parent because one of the kids was acting up during the exams. The height of some of the kids varied between short and tall. I at one point, thought will my kids will look short and Regina Ann’s* will look like models in the dream. I was comparing the kids, the very thing I hated done to me when I was growing up, I’ve projected on the kids. Clean my heart Lord. 

Who can stand against the Lord

No one can, no one will

Who can stand against the King

No one can, no one will

Lunch time came, and the parent came after the phone call that was about their child’s behavior during testing. The parent was looking through my papers on the desk, and said “isn’t it lunch time”? They were testing, and needed to eat, so they went to the backyard through the basement of my house. 

Victory belongs to Jesus 

Victory belongs to him

Victory belongs to Jesus 

Victory belongs to him

This girl named Olive looked like Regina Ann’s daughter. Then the rest of the kids were lined up alongside the wall from the basement of my house go to outside. Outside of my house, in the backyard was where there were picnic tables set up, for people that were around the tables seemed familiar; but I couldn’t make out their faces. Once the kids grabbed their lunch, they found their way upstairs to my room; that was turned into an indoor dining patio set. I was standing in the door way/threshold between two rooms. 

Victory belongs to Jesus 

Victory belongs to him

Victory belongs to Jesus 

Victory belongs to him

The neighboring room had a huge 24 pink styrofoam canvas, that was on the wall where the DJ table was set up. The room had imprints of me but it wasn’t my room any longer. So I walked in quickly able to glance at all of this and then quickly stepped out. As I was turning back to head to the room where the students were in, I saw coming up the stairway was B*. 

So we put our trust in you

Yes, we put our hope in 

He was informing me that it was his birthday, and invited me in to see the room. B was showing me the room, and we were on the bed that was against the wall; exactly how my bed is placed now in my room. B’s bed had the same pink Tommy Hilfiger sheets that is currently on my bed. He had four pillows against the wall, and his main pillow had some 90’s blue Coogi sweater designed to it. I was like saying something to him about the pillows, and was like “wow, you have four! Do you need all of them?” And he replied, “nah I don’t need them you can have them.” I was pulling off the pink pillowcases to take the pillows then stopped. 

That’s when the role playing started but nothing sexual happened. I wanted something to happened. The role playing was beginning to get violent because of how I found myself laying down on the bed, he grabbed my shoulders and hands from standing over me, and then I somehow found myself releasing from his weird grip. I was able to escape, but then B faced me and blood was coming out from the inner corner of his eyes; then he said this is what my mom went through on her wedding day, and that’s when I woke up. The dream represented the cumulative of everything that has been buried deep inside of me. The fact that I wanted something to happened between us, is an indicator of how I saw men, and how I see sex. Individuals that I should always have sex with, no wonder I was blocked and limited from dating. I’ve set myself to be a name brand junkie, and really based my worth on labels and how things looked from a worldly and broken standpoint, that it has been a constant prayer for God to renew my mind. I’m in constant prayer for God to hold me accountable to change my ways. 

You will deliver 

You’re a provider

I find my victory in you

Forever victorious 

Forever we win 

I find my victory in You

Turning 24 is the year that I’ve been stuck on, especially with specific moments in my life. I’ve been on replay with that day. 

You will deliver 

You’re a provider

I find my victory in you

Forever victorious 

Forever we win 

I find my victory in You

To me, 24 was the best birthday party and Regina Ann came to my birthday party and was represented as anchor to me. Regina Ann was someone I needed in my life. The God in me knew that. My mindset back then on friendship was that I’m always going to have to rotate friends, but that I was willing to settle for how Regina Ann was meant to be in my life. I was accustomed to settling in everything, no longer can I continue this. 

Victory belongs to Jesus 

Victory belongs to him

Victory belongs to Jesus 

Victory belongs to him

Victory belongs to Jesus 

Victory belongs to him

Victory belongs to Jesus 

Victory belongs to him

I catered to the expectation of always settling in every area of my life: with my job, my 24th birthday, that had alcohol, and settling with a guy. 

Victory belongs to Jesus 

Victory belongs to him

Victory belongs to Jesus 

Victory belongs to him

Victory belongs to Jesus 

Victory belongs to him

Victory belongs to Jesus 

Victory belongs to him

I surrender my 24th birthday God. I publicly settled with everything and God was determined to dismantle me settling with everything in the heart and mind. God is walking through settling, and me being dead. I was fixated on celebrating death. 

Now that I’m walking with you God thank you for keeping me safe, teach me to focus on celebrating life with those that truly love me. Show me how to love boldly and unafraid. Show me how to let go of the girl in middle school and high school, and all the way up to coming into faith on 4.4.14. To have self love and self esteem; and not the need to be accepted by others. Show me to switch my mindset that even though I work in a middle school God, I’m not in middle school. 

Show me how to accept that I can’t reverse time. God you had to keep me in a box, even though I was in the world and tried to join the world by application, you as my applicator rejected that process and I can no longer reject what’s not of you. I pray for my children for the ones I teach and the ones that will come from my womb to always fight to be their best self. I pray for B* to let go of the church he’s in so he can trust you with better. I let go of the familiarity that B* and I had to want something to happen. 

I never want to feed the wrong emotions intentionally and get a rise out of the ribcage you say is for me God. I choose to trust that this man will never hurt me, and that I should not want to get a rise out of him. All he wants to do is protect me, and walk through my brokenness. I choose to chase after you God and never compare the man you have for me with another man. I choose to speak love, not death ever again. I choose to see my blessings and to love him how he needs. God please prepare me to be what you need to be and what my ribcage needs. God I surrender all my obsessive qualities. God show me how to reach my students’ parents God, and focus on you not man, in lust, validation, or acceptance. You’re the man God I need to focus on only. God you kept me safe, change my mindset. God when something is meant to be you part the seas God. So I say yes to being foolish about your business, and not on the foolishness of the world. Amen. 

Victory Belongs To Jesus by Todd Delaney are filled with lyrics that pretty much sums up where and how I feel because the victory does belong to him.

Happy reading!! Happy listening!! Blessings sibs!!! Happy Holidays!! 

(* denotes name change for privacy reasons) 

Worship Reveal  — November 11, 2016

Worship Reveal 

I had a crazy dream recently, where at one point I was in the building of my job, with some of my colleagues. I was in front of them like in a line, and saw one of my supervisors, talking to a student on the benches by their office. Both the supervisor and the student, turned their head to see that I was in front of the line. Then it went to another scene where we were in some cafeteria, which was a large space room. Individuals from our old church were there. 

C* and I was in were in the same group, while Regina Ann* was singing with some people, in the front area of the room that we were all in. This real life couple was in the singing group with Regina Ann. The female of the couple sang, then the guy she was with followed, and then the ensemble that Regina Ann was with, started to join in as a choir behind all singing together. I was moved to tears. I didn’t have on my glasses, so things were slightly blurry besides my tears. Another girl we will call A* came over to me, when she saw the tears on my face, because the way the singing ensemble was so organic truly moved me.

I believed C was crying when she saw this real life couple, but I’m like God what are you saying to me about this real life couple? Are you trying to tell me that these two really belong together? So what about who he was with before, that girl hasn’t moved on the way this guy has with this new girlfriend. This true love stuff, and all that wrong couples that were around me at my old church; and how they were celebrated in their sin at my old church is too much. Love is too much to me now. I am so afraid of love because of how so much transpired. The wrongs are being seen as right, and being publicly supported by spiritual leaders, who are supposed to be true to the word of God first and foremost. The truth to God is being dismissed so heavily. There’s so much heaviness in my heart. I pick up so many burdens, at work. I picked up so many burdens, and hidden lies at my old church. I’m just tired of blind eyes turning. God we all need you so much. 

In the dream, A was really dressed up in holiday colors, and I was like I’ve never seen her this festive, and bold in wearing what she was. She’s also recently engaged in real life. Her soulmate makes her bold. I was walking around with this bag, but it was annoying as if it was bondages, that I was carrying around. Once Regina Ann and the group got up to sing, with the guy that’s a part of the real life couple, it’s like I knew to let the bag fall, and knew that I didn’t have to pick it back up ever again. That’s when A came over. A bondage that I have been walking around with, I became free from through the worship of God, was when A came. Regina Ann was smiling when she was singing. Worship is genuinely an occurrence that happens from the heart. Regina Ann was free, and happy when she was singing. This is what makes true worship part of the healing, and removing of bondages. 

When I prayed to God on this dream, God told me that this couple that’s together now, belong together. And that the other girl he was with was never for him. Things are moving for this guy and his new girlfriend at my old church, because God designed them to always be together. Regina Ann is called to sing, and she doesn’t want to believe she is. She doesn’t want to accept how big of a calling that is on her life. The more she tries to hide, the more she’s seen. God has her insane love story too. He’s working it out right before her eyes, no amount of denial or deflection can change this truth. I saw with my own eyes that God is working on my own love story. So I have no doubt God is working on hers. I have always been called to worship and praise. 

I love to sing but God has writing songs on my horizon when the time is right. I always turned to music when I saw how society ostracized me. Music has always made me feel free. There’s so much unhappiness around me, and there’s so many unhappy people near me. It’s hard for me to be God’s ambassador in this challenging season; because of all the brokenness and unhappiness that I see, pick up, and have to be around. I’m tired. I am tired of seeing the favoritism towards performing scholars that are high. And those scholars that are not performing well are being ignored. It hurts me, and I pick up this blatant disregard to the least of these. Biblically we are called to lift least of these. So, I’ll be their fighter and champion. I’ll be their bridge because God called me to be. God is my savior. God is with me. God will show me what to do, and how to move through this wilderness of brokenness at work. Nothing is bigger than God. 

Happy reading and God bless!!! (*denotes name change for privacy reasons.)

%d bloggers like this: