Wyn's Playlist

© Wynee Ganthier and wynsplaylist.wordpress.com, 2014-2017. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Wynee Ganthier and wynsplaylist.wordpress.com with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Enable  — July 10, 2017

Enable 

I can't do anything without colors

I love colors

I love colors

I love colors

No man is worth me stopping the God in me

No mans pockets is worth stopping colors

Settling isn't worth it

I'm detailed

I'm bold

I'm an extrovert

I'm frank

I'm honest

I let go

For whoever

For whenever

For where ever

What do I have to walk through?

Where do I need to go?

Where do I need to be?

What trauma do I have to face?

No plan is worth my peace

I need sharpening not enabling

I can't choose fear

I can't do anything here

I have to stay in prayer

I feel freer

I have to do this God's Way

Shortcuts  — May 5, 2017

Shortcuts 

5/3/17

Father God, I come to you with thanksgiving on what this moment, and time of stillness that I am in. I come to you with gratitude and love for what you are doing in me. Father God, last night as I walked through a realization that lead to the surrendering of being controlling, possessive, and exhibiting the ways identical to my mother. Father God as you continue to use this moment of stillness to open my eyes, I thank you Abba for loving me so much that you no longer are wanting me to take my broken inhaled ways to the new blessings that you are blooming my way. 

Father God, as I continue to choose stillness and losing control you’ve open my eyes. God you opened my ears to see, and hear some harsh truths that are within me. I see the spotty mold that I was carrying around and feeding. I no longer want to control anything, because it does not allow for me to be open to full surrender, which gives you the full openness and access to work in us. I must give you room to fill me up, renewing, restoring, and rebuilding me. It is openness to your biblical and Godly foundations. It is openness to your ways, and walking in your infinite wisdom and grace that you Father God have for my life. It is in the openness I can release the broken ways and mindsets that I’ve carried for so long. 

Release the clinging of my father, mother and the release of needing their approval and love. The release of letting them all go, and trusting you with how you are moving me on from them. Trust in your full fledge faith walking through the mental attacks that I’ve created short cuts on how to avoid them, which was what created the shortcuts that I’ve tried to master but failed. Father God, how I’ve tried it with the broken roots and foundations in short cuts that I have mistakenly thought I could have taken with me on this walk with you. 

You’ve cut out on that weeds every single time, then last night and earlier this morning you’ve pluck out the stubs. I’ve enable a broken ideology for so long that it has created the floodgates for other wrong and broken methods for myself. These shortcuts will always cause more problems than good. I see you are truly doing the work in me, as I fight to remain obedient in this stillness that you have for me. There needs to be stillness in the Godly cooperation of allowing you to move and make a way out of things. To make a way with all avenues. 

As I am drawing closer to you Abba, and sense the presence of your spirit amongst me, I must make that active fight to remain in the spirit, and to choose the spirit over my flesh. I must fight to make the active choice on no longer settling for shortcuts or disengagement through indifference. I made the attacks bigger than you, and the shortcuts were a scapegoat that lead to giving the enemy more power and control. I lay down and surrender my shortcut ways Abba, because you are bigger, hence in how you have stilled me to move me in your ways and path. I come to you laying down the spirit of looking back to believing that I have to aim at proving a point towards those that I had struggle to bond with. 

Father God I am continuingly seeking you, and not needing to prove anything to anyone or prove that I am not where I used to be. You have showed me that I already have the victory because the victory is in you Jesus. I thank you for how you walk with me to see truths, open eyes, and I surrender it all so that I can no longer remain the same. Father God I thank you for I am no longer seeking affection from others when I have full affection and adoration from you. I thank you that I am no longer under the wrong and broken molding of my mother or my family. I thank you father God for freeing me from whatever trap I was going to fall into. Thank you for changing me. I thank you for the dark storms, and the joys in the morning (Psalm 30:5). I thank you for it all Abba, in stillness I remain until you move me in Jesus name, Amen. 

“The LORD shall fight for you, and ye shall hold your peace.” Exodus 14:14 KJV

Shelter — April 25, 2017

Shelter

4/17/17

God please move her. Please move Regina Ann* out of this. Father God, what can I do or say? Father God, please move her and pull her out. I am trying to hear from you Lord and just wanting to know what to do for her or how can I assist? God what job are we suppose to get? I keep receiving TriBeCa but how true is it? Is that something that I’m projecting, if it is then I surrender it. I surrender all things. Father God, I just want to know what to do next. Father God please move my sister. Please move her out and pull her out. I keep receiving that she is not going with them, now I’m getting she is. God I just want your truths about all things. Father God. What am I to do? What am I to say? I’m offering my heart and my life, just please pull Regina Ann out, please God. I have some layer of peace and I don’t know why? But I choose to trust and cling to it.

 
God when I ask you about going to a shelter, you said she’s not, now I’m getting she is? Which one is it? What is the true? What is even true about all of this. And then hearing about those dudes. I don’t care if they are real or not. Please free my sister God. Please move her. Please pull her out and just move her. Please God. Please God. I don’t know what else to say. If you want me to stop thinking about that man or even anything else then I lay it down. I lay Regina Ann down, I lay the other man down but just pull her out of this God. Please pull her out. I even lay myself down God, please pull her out. 

Lord I lay down all the selfish ambitions that I may have. I just choose to trust you. Show me how to no longer live in fear. Show me how to no longer just walk through the fear that my father and mother have played on me. Father God show me how to leave it all behind. I am trusting you and leaping and truly leaving it all behind. Father God, I say yes to you and I submit to your ways. I understand that I have severe control issues that I choose to let go of, because it is just hindering me and blocking me from truly hearing from you. Father God, I pray that you see this prayer as I declare to no longer cling to what I know. To no longer trust that money is the answer because it’s not. To no longer trust that living with my parents is the answer because it is not. Father God, I come to you in trusting you on what is next. Father God, you lead me and I will follow. I just say yes God, no matter what happens, I just say yes. I trust you. Amen 

I can’t do anything for her. I can’t be there. My hero complex is dismantled. There’s no saving a life for me when God hasn’t set me up to do so. I can’t save her. The god complex that I was carrying is dying through Regina Ann walking through what she is. Does it hurt enough for me God? Because I’m still crippled by fear. I’m still giving the enemy access, and full range to hinder me the way that I’m allowing him to with my fears. 

I gave advice that was said in fear and panic, “stash your phone inside of you”. God my fear is related to not having trust in you. I’m even fearful of my parents still, and how to still be there for Regina Ann. I’m like a little girl around them trying to hide my business and keep secrets. I’m so tormented because I’m feeding the wrong things. I need to choose freedom. I pray that I am. I understand that my fear for my parents causes me to remain childlike, and not be able to be present or mature in difficult situations. The thinking of “what will my parents say?” is what grips me so well God. I need you. I don’t know what else to say or do. Because being this fearful hinders me from being able to lead in any capacity, but also how am I suppose to be there for that man? I can’t be. I’m not there. And that’s the cold hearted reality. Father God, only you know when it will hurt enough for me to let go of this fear, that I’ve danced with for so long. The song has stopped, but I’m still on the dance floor. It’s just wrong and God I pray it stops. 

At 1:45 am, God you have my sister as we said goodnight.  

4/18/17

Waking up realizing that I’ve been living in my own homeless shelter. I’ve been living with parents who are clocking the next time that I ‘make it big’ to help them. The set up is communal when still enough to notice, and see how my parents gave up on the upkeep of their house years ago. Now it’s just about what do I do next God? What now for real?

I’ve been abused since a toddler. My mother recalls always how I was burned and afflicted by a babysitter. She always tells the story, but for some reason today that same story did something to my heart. That same story I surrender and give to you, and I pray for my mother to have peace with those early childhood moments in my life. I pray for my peace as well God. I pray to no longer carry those burdens around. The fear may have started since then, and full fledge manifested until now but I have to leave those instances in the past. 

4/19/17

A lot has happened in over a month God. A lot continues to develop. It’s 3am and I’m just walking through this time praising you, and choosing love and leaping into your arms with the unknown. Father God, the way that fear grips and controls us is like a vomit skin that is being worn around, and if one were to take a step back and observe oneself. I’ve seen it for myself. I was wearing that vomit rug or skin. Thank you God for pulling it off me. Thank you God for showing me that your love is truth. Thank you God. You saved me, and then sings my soul. 

No longer am I looking at the choices to my left or right or in my head, but I need you Father. I need you voice. 

4/21/17

Father God, I let go of all the broken and toxic upbringing of my parents. I can’t carry their broken burdens any longer. Father God, i let them all go, even my sister. Father God I come to you just wanting you to move me from my current temp address. This house is not a home, its truly is Haitian shelter. I can’t be here any longer God. Please remove me and Regina Ann out from our current spaces. 

4/22/17

The mind games that I play have resumed themselves. I’ve taken pleasure in the dysfunction and chaos between Regina Ann and I because I believe that it’s healthy. It’s healthy to have the constant up and down because then there’s love. If there’s this constant mess then I will see God clean It up my way-meaning I control the outcome. The truth is I wasn’t interested in being better or healthier, I was more focused on the vomit and clinging to what I know. Because through what I know I can see the outcome, there’s no leap or free falling. But then again, Abba, I’m here in the space of it hurting enough. It hurts enough to say that I can no longer be this way. It hurts enough to choose you over my weeds and brokenness of comfort. You began to open up my eyes to see that there is more, when I truly let go of the door that you’re closing to open the new one with more that ever before. I push to be more sensitive to the spirit than ever before. I have to seek you, and when I do my eyes see your truth. I can’t go back to before, it hurts enough to want healthy and godly above all.

*denote name change for privacy purposes. 

Misunderstood  — April 12, 2017

Misunderstood 

So where is He?

The Bible says 

He is our Father

so where is He?

People say 

I’m aggressive 

No honey,

I just want to 

hear from God.

Others hear from God.

People know 

the voice of God

yet nitpick and reject 

what He commands.

I’m just trying 

to hear and understand.

Why was she 

so mean to me?

People come for me

and attack me 

with words that hurt.

God says she

had to know her truths.

I don’t understand 

King James Version.

I thought I was

supposed to keep ESV.

But hearing Regina Ann*

prayed and was lead 

to give her ESV 

to her brother, and he cried.

It makes me wonder 

was I wrong and if I lied.

God says ESV is mine to keep.

Why am I being still?

God you don’t speak

in this silence 

and all I do is sleep.

I’m trying to hear you.

Maybe I’m on 

the wrong channel.

She was right to write

God is not a God of confusion.

God says she has to be revealed 

her decisions that were concealed.

God I just want to know you. 

God all you’re clear on

is that man that couldn’t answer.

God says he can’t.

I just want to know you God.

That’s why I look 

for things to do.

Stillness is so hard.

Regina Ann said 

fight to be happy.

How? What is happy?

God is so unclear.

That’s how it feels.

God is not a God 

of confusion. 

She was mean, but right.

God says she had 

to know her truths.

God says I did 

what I had to do. 

I’m just fighting 

to do the right thing.

God says I know His Voice

with certainty and He will

become clearer and clearer.

This is so hard.

Nobody understands.

This is so hard.

Nobody understands.

This is so hard.

Nobody understands.

This is so hard.

Nobody understands.

This is so hard.

Nobody understands.

It’s so hard 

to understand God. 

One hundred sixty four  — April 8, 2017

One hundred sixty four 

It's so hard to trust you right now

I feel like you let me down God 

I feel like you continuously just disturbed me

Why do I have to be open to a man that doesn't have my problems 

That man will always have an opening 

But Wynee had to fend 

I want more than where I'm at 

I hate this season 

It's always by October when my life picks up

It's April and you're telling me to be still?

I can't do that 

I can't do that

You just blocked my plan

You had me working at a place 

Getting paid less than sustainable wage

You put it in her heart to pay me that 

And you're telling me not to save?

Talking about its flesh 

Talking about my heart needs cleaning 

Where's my heart when I'm not working?

Where's my heart when you made me buy things that I didn't need. 

One hundred and sixty four dollars spent on items I don't need 

I could've put it in a CD

I could've gotten stocks 

I don't need the crap you made me buy 

I need more than where I was

I need more than where I am

I need more than 

A bible that I can barely comprehend

A bible that I put colors in

And you're telling me that man sees my creativity, what does that do for me?

Regina Ann* always covers him 

He needs to cover himself 

Got chicks showing off empire-type roof tops

I wish I could work there 

I can finally have insurance 

I have to fix my ears 

I have to fix my teeth

I have to fix my sight

That's what bothers me

These chicks are selfish 

They don't want anyone to be ahead, that's what bothers me

That's why I'm competing 

For all the girls that struggle 

Just to get a break 

And not to depend on a man 

I just wanted to make sure I didn't come to him with nothing 

As a black woman education is so important 

Where you go to school does matter

And God you blocked me from knowing out of state colleges 

You babel me from knowing this

People told me good luck finding a job 

That's why it feels like I settled to that sales job 

You used everything for your glory

That's where I met Regina Ann

It took me forever to get promoted 

My promotion was half way shady

that's why I fight for integrity 

I'm tired of shady 

I don't want anyone to come for me 

I'm not lazy 

Being at home triggers my PTSD

I feel worthless here 

I don't like being here 

Having a job no matter what it is, is better than nothing 

At least I'll have a dollar 

Something is better than nothing 

One hundred and sixty four dollars 

wasted, on a bible I don't need 

That's how I feel

I'll never get that money back 

Whatever I'm just over all of this 

(* denotes that name changes are for privacy reasons)

Stillness  — March 29, 2017

Stillness 

Father God,

It's been real these last few weeks to days leading up to end of March. Father God how stillness is just a wrestle for me, when I'm so used to finding like so many things to do to keep myself busy, and push for productivity. But trusting you God in the midst of this season, where things have gone in a whole other direction is truly an example of how you are in control of everything Dad. 

We truly have to walk in blind faith when it comes to this walk, and journey with you. Father God as I wait, because you are truly telling me to be still and wait on you. I make failed attempts towards gauging on what could it possible be that you are telling me to do next. Father God, as I journal down my thoughts, I pray that I am truly dwelling in your presence, and open to everything that you have for me, and want to offer me. I pray that you are just filling me up, but also father God I'm wanting to be overflowed with your love and peace. 

Change is something that I am giving less resistance to, but there's still an evolution in me that needs to happen daily as I grow to desire your ways to choose over my own understandings. Father God, I pray that I am open to the truths about myself. Stillness father God I am learning is hard to do, when there is no outdoor patio to watch the sunset, while waiting on Jesus to give you the message that you need to hear. 

Father God, it's real being where I am for the past several days, the renewal of my mind is happening rapidly as I am shedding and growing new skin. It's all because of you God. I thank you for all that you have done, and continue to do each day for as long as I still have breath in my lungs. Father God, as I wake up everyday in this household that I am currently in, I clearly see the traits and manners that I have clung to, due to habits and cultural identity and transferred mannerisms from my parents. 

Father God, how real is it when you see that the patterns of what your parents are doing, are what you do, and realizing that you cannot take them to the next glory. Thank you God that you love me so much, that you are doing the work in me, preparing me for where you are taking Regina Ann* and I next. Pruning us to be unashamed about doing the foolishness of God. 

Father God, it's been real seeing in me how much was still not being surrendered over to you, and doing a heart check on what is truly in the deep pit of my heart and soul. Seeing what is ungodly, and to hand it over to you in exchange for your sovereignty over my life, by trusting you with everything that you are leading me to do. Abba, thank you for the growing accountability in taking a leap, but also in expressing gratitude. 

Thank you father for the small victories, that have lead to greater ones throughout my journey on this walk with you God. I could not have done this alone by myself, no way. It's truly all of you and only you God, walking with me and just chiseling me bit by bit. Father God, as I come to you continuously laying it all down, and wanting your peace instead of my fleshly thinking of what peace can be. As I read last night in scripture in Psalm 37:37, "a future awaits those who seek peace…" 

True peace comes from you God, yes we can light that candle to give the room some ambiance or worship music to set the room; however, those are accessories that God doesn't need in order to connect with you. There is the yearning of stillness, that God has directed for you have with him. Father God, as I grow in this walk with you as a Christian, I truly am wanting you to hold me accountable with the stillness that you are calling me to have with you. You truly are strengthening me, and stretching me in this area. I am in stillness more than the day before. Father God, I thank you for constantly showing me intimacy and grace, towards the growing relationship that I have with you. Abba, your love never fails, and it never gives up on me…..in Jesus name, Amen.

(*denotes name change for privacy reasons)

Thank You God — March 28, 2017

Thank You God

Father God, 

I am just perplexed that I’m in this temporary but unknowing season of employment with Regina Ann*. I don’t know how to come to you, when I just am seeking you for reassurance God that everything is going to be okay. Father God, as I write out to you how I feel, the memories and recalling of last night’s sermon replays in my head; to give gratitude and thanks in midst of the “through it” that I am in. I am in the middle of something I can sense it and feel it. 

As I humble myself to realize how good you are to me God, that you are still right here with me, as I take leaps into the deeper unknown, and fully trust you with all my heart. I don’t know what the response back will be, and if I do then I find it hard to believe, but I choose to thank you for wanting so much more for me. I choose to thank you, that you pulled me out of that place when I was settling for less than greater for myself, because I was getting a paid education. 

Thank you for loving me so much, that you do not what me to settle in the love story you have for me, when I’m thinking that settling was the only way to receive “real love”. Father God I do not know, or I’m not fully aware of your plans for me, and if I am then I pray that you please make them so clear that there’s no confusion, or misinterpretation on what you are saying are the next steps. Father God, continue to just walk me through these waves of emotions, that are inflicted by my insecurities. 

I need you God as I truly try to push myself to not freak out, or panic about whatever these next moves may be. Father God I need you on how to move next. I need you with my prosperity, and future days ahead. I need you in increasing my trust and security in you. Father God, everyday you are stripping me and challenging my thinking about my “secure plan,” and what is the best option for me. As I push to not settle, and no longer seek a job that is a paycheck, but be prepared to what I’m called to do. As I trust you with my goals and plans. The leaps that I have been taking has me feeling that maybe nothing is possible, or what am I not doing enough? Am I really resting or just being lazy? 

God I’m having such a hard time with things. I am saying yes to the next doors. As I write out my frustrations, I realize to conclude this with praises and thanks. Father God thank you that I am not where I used to be. Many years ago I would be desperate, and settled for something as long as it could cover my bills being paid, but I am now in a space where I choose to trust you, despite how things may seem, despite what is the opposite of the norm. 

Thank you God for pulling me out from a space where I was unhappy, and just drowning every day. Thank you God for loving me through my fears and resistance. Thank you God for how I have the peace of God that surpasses all understanding. Thank you God that I am no longer bound to any chains that would be used to condemn me. Thank you God that I am still standing despite the many who tried to offer me the world. Thank you God I am still standing despite the many that tried to knock me down. I am only here today because of you God. 

On 4/4/14 you saved me. You walked me down that church aisle to the front of the altar, and I lay down my life. I said yes to walking in faith, and wanting to have a relationship with Jesus Christ. Father God thank you for breath. Thank you for everything. Thank you God as you hold what lays ahead for me. Father God I thank you that a relationship with you is forever evolving. Thank you God for all the unspoken things, that I have not mention or can’t recall. Thank you Abba, I love you. Amen.

(*denotes name change for privacy reasons)

Attacks — March 26, 2017

Attacks

It’s so hard for me to understand. 

I have a hard time understanding what I’m asking for.

That’s what bothers me.

It’s very frustrating. 

That’s why I want to give up.

In my core I just want God.

What is a leap of faith?

Where am I even leaping? 

What does it look like?

Does it mean I’m leaping every time I wake up?

Did I do this to myself?

Is it because I’m not sexually active?

If I have all these expectations, then Lord I lay them down. 

I don’t even know anymore. 

What are the right questions? 

What am I waiting to listen for?

How do I know what I’m listening to?

I’m not doing enough. 

I don’t know what enough is.

I feel like the weak link.

I’m not present. 

I don’t know what enough is.

I don’t know what present is.

I just want to be healthy.

I just want to do this walk. 

I want to be a bridge 

God’s Way.

I want to be a bridge 

to send the lost

to be found. 

God you’re saying I am found.

I don’t even know

what to say to that.

When I push to listen to God’s Voice, 

I don’t even know who I’m talking to.

I think what scares me, is the attacks and spiritual warfare.

In the Bible it says God’s still small voice.

But the attacks try to match.

That’s why I’m praying, and I don’t know if God’s healing and freeing me.

That’s why I sleep.

I want to sleep.

That’s why I don’t like communication, because I sound crazy. 

All I keep getting is I am free.

How am I free when I’m praying and I don’t know what You’re Saying to me?

How am I free when bondages trap me?

How am I free when I don’t know me?

I thought free was a magical lightbulb.

I don’t know anything. 

God show me how to be supernatural.

It’s easier to give up, and say I failed.

God, I’m sorry. 

I’m not taking enough leaps.

I’m trying to be still.

What do you do in stillness?

Where should I go read for stillness?

What books should I have opened?

I have questions and I don’t even know to ask them. 

I have a mouth that doesn’t know how to speak to God. 

I have eyes and I don’t know if I see God. 

I have a heart and I don’t know if it beats for God. 

I just want to give up.

I’m here as a Christian not knowing how to turn to God. 

I’m here as a Christian not knowing what I need from God. 

I’m here as a Christian not knowing how to be there, not knowing what to do, and not knowing what’s truth.

God you’re telling me I choose truth. 

How when I’m in this immeasurable amount of pain?

Am I choking in vain?

I don’t like what I wear.

I don’t like how I’m seen.

I’m a virgin that’s scared. 

What is my identity if God is for me?

What does that even mean?

I don’t know what to wear.

I believe I don’t know to be, because of my sexuality. 

I don’t want sex to be the answer. 

I want God to be the answer. 

I don’t want him to be the answer. 

I want God to be the answer. 

I don’t want Regina Ann* to be the answer. 

I want God to be the answer. 

I don’t want brother to be the answer. 

I want God to be the answer.

I think I need mental help. 

I’m always crying about something. 

I pray one day 

I can hear you clearly God, if you choose to. 

The enemy fools me to believe lies.

I get attacked about Regina Ann and brother all the time.

I’m very disturbed about attacks, they make me so fearful. 

I choose truth no matter how hard it is to do.

(*denotes name change for privacy reasons

Virgin  — March 24, 2017

Virgin 

I’m afraid for him to touch me

I’m afraid

I can’t express it

Something popped with him

Like how he sees me

I don’t know something popped 

Something popped for him

Or for me and something I now see

I can’t 

I don’t want 

I’m a virgin

I can’t 

I want out

I can make it 

I can make it happen 

Send me the agencies

I’ll look

I don’t care 

I just want out

I don’t know what popped

Something popped 

Why is he still in this 

If being a virgin 

is a problem then fine

Go to someone else

He sniffed me 

because of my innocence 

I didn’t know you could smell love

He just wanted to smell me

because it was so sweet

I’ve been staring at my hands

and I see they’ve matured 

into grown woman hands

My hands match fingers 

of an adult 

My polish color 

the length 

It’s stupid but it’s an adult hand

I really wish I didn’t listen 

that night God told me 

to hold onto my virginity 

I wouldn’t be here 

because my parents would’ve kicked me out

I would’ve been determined to figured it out

I would’ve kept ignoring you God

Being a virgin makes me not see

They’ll be no Regina Ann*

They’ll be no him

They’ll be no brother

It’s a huge culture shock

My tastes and colors changed

I need to not look childish anymore

Having sex changes you

I really wish I didn’t wait

Here I am 

Whatever I don’t care

Regina Ann* doesn’t have my problems 

He doesn’t have my problems 

I’m 29 with childish outcomes 

I don’t care what he wants

He’s never going to find me again 

God it’s a lie

to protect my virginity 

Nobody wanted to hear from the virgin 

The virgin always gets it worse 

I just wanted to be loved

Being a virgin is a curse 

(*denotes name change for privacy reasons) 

Behold (Part II) — March 23, 2017

Behold (Part II)

3/23/17

Being still is very hard for me Father God, as I come to you no longer wanting to get suck in the reels of the Explorer page of Instagram. I lay down my desires with cosmetics, skin care, beauty regiments, and hair, body, nails. 

God I truly desire, and I come to lay it all down to you. I want your way father God over my own way. I want you to show me, and lead me instead of being self-lead. Father God this is something that I have been wrestling with you on for while, but I realize after this trip to Alabama that just passed it needs to end. It is always better to trust, and lean on you than on myself. I have such a hard time with being still because it’s a matter of control, and growing deeper in trusting you. 

Father God, make a way for me as I take a plunge to dive in your waters of trust. I am choosing gratitude of giving you these deepest desires of my heart over fear and control. Trust for so long father God was the hardest for me to do, but once I began to trust you Lord, and welcome you into my space, and proclaiming that I want only your presence to dwell on me that’s when you drove even greater changes in my life to happen. 

As I grow and draw near you Lord, I pray that I continue to trust you in giving you my desires and dreams. Very rarely father God do I talk about or mention these things to you. As I grow in your love Father, I found myself evolving in what you are placing in my heart, and I find myself having visions and dreams bigger than my heart can believe. 

God all these things lead back to you, and what you’ve placed in my heart. Everything that you have placed in my heart within me is for your kingdom. God I surrender the little that I have or known so far, so that there’s room for you to bless me with big. Father God, I pray that you reveal the plans of my life, or road paths to take, so that along the way I am praising you and giving you all the glory as it all comes back to you. 

Search me O’Lord, and any wickedness that is found within my heart take out and replace with your spirit of love, joy, kindness, and all the fruits of the Holy Spirit. Father God, show me want to do with the gifts, dreams, and desires that I have, and how to remain in tact on expanding your kingdom than feeding my flesh. Your gifts are to show those who do not know you why trusting you is better than trusting anyone else. 

With you by my side Lord I call you to guide me in all times especially in moments when I lack to seek you first. God as I continue to grow in running to you Father God I pray that all desires, dreams, and goals that are placed on my heart I pray over each, and every single decision that I am required or needed to make on them. 

I pray for both Regina Ann* and I, as we take a leap in the next phase, that you have already written out for us. Father God we say yes to your path, your will, your ways. Father God, we call on you to make and break any arsenal that we need or must dismantle. We pray to grow in spending more moments with you Lord, as whatever is next that we are entering into with you Lord lead us. 

We pray Lord that we spend more moments of stillness even now, as we are at rest and bay before you lay out the plans and guide our steps. Lord we come to you seeing why stillness is the way. As I write out all of this Father God, I see how stillness brings restoration and preparation before moving on to the next glory. I am being prepared for what’s next, and leaning on my own understanding was making me think that I have to quickly make moves, and figure out what are the next plans or steps to take. 

Abba, how you love me so much that you’ve blocked or stopped me in my tracks from looking like my former self. You are showing me how a reset is necessary in order to attain growth and healthy habits. Father God, I thank you so much for loving me, and from stopping me from creating more harm for myself. The hustle and bustle of what I use to do, cannot come with you and I to this next glory. So I choose to walk your path in peace and love as you lay the plans and blueprints on my heart. Amen.

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