Wyn's Playlist

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Shortcuts  — May 5, 2017

Shortcuts 

5/3/17

Father God, I come to you with thanksgiving on what this moment, and time of stillness that I am in. I come to you with gratitude and love for what you are doing in me. Father God, last night as I walked through a realization that lead to the surrendering of being controlling, possessive, and exhibiting the ways identical to my mother. Father God as you continue to use this moment of stillness to open my eyes, I thank you Abba for loving me so much that you no longer are wanting me to take my broken inhaled ways to the new blessings that you are blooming my way. 

Father God, as I continue to choose stillness and losing control you’ve open my eyes. God you opened my ears to see, and hear some harsh truths that are within me. I see the spotty mold that I was carrying around and feeding. I no longer want to control anything, because it does not allow for me to be open to full surrender, which gives you the full openness and access to work in us. I must give you room to fill me up, renewing, restoring, and rebuilding me. It is openness to your biblical and Godly foundations. It is openness to your ways, and walking in your infinite wisdom and grace that you Father God have for my life. It is in the openness I can release the broken ways and mindsets that I’ve carried for so long. 

Release the clinging of my father, mother and the release of needing their approval and love. The release of letting them all go, and trusting you with how you are moving me on from them. Trust in your full fledge faith walking through the mental attacks that I’ve created short cuts on how to avoid them, which was what created the shortcuts that I’ve tried to master but failed. Father God, how I’ve tried it with the broken roots and foundations in short cuts that I have mistakenly thought I could have taken with me on this walk with you. 

You’ve cut out on that weeds every single time, then last night and earlier this morning you’ve pluck out the stubs. I’ve enable a broken ideology for so long that it has created the floodgates for other wrong and broken methods for myself. These shortcuts will always cause more problems than good. I see you are truly doing the work in me, as I fight to remain obedient in this stillness that you have for me. There needs to be stillness in the Godly cooperation of allowing you to move and make a way out of things. To make a way with all avenues. 

As I am drawing closer to you Abba, and sense the presence of your spirit amongst me, I must make that active fight to remain in the spirit, and to choose the spirit over my flesh. I must fight to make the active choice on no longer settling for shortcuts or disengagement through indifference. I made the attacks bigger than you, and the shortcuts were a scapegoat that lead to giving the enemy more power and control. I lay down and surrender my shortcut ways Abba, because you are bigger, hence in how you have stilled me to move me in your ways and path. I come to you laying down the spirit of looking back to believing that I have to aim at proving a point towards those that I had struggle to bond with. 

Father God I am continuingly seeking you, and not needing to prove anything to anyone or prove that I am not where I used to be. You have showed me that I already have the victory because the victory is in you Jesus. I thank you for how you walk with me to see truths, open eyes, and I surrender it all so that I can no longer remain the same. Father God I thank you for I am no longer seeking affection from others when I have full affection and adoration from you. I thank you that I am no longer under the wrong and broken molding of my mother or my family. I thank you father God for freeing me from whatever trap I was going to fall into. Thank you for changing me. I thank you for the dark storms, and the joys in the morning (Psalm 30:5). I thank you for it all Abba, in stillness I remain until you move me in Jesus name, Amen. 

“The LORD shall fight for you, and ye shall hold your peace.” Exodus 14:14 KJV

Shelter — April 25, 2017

Shelter

4/17/17

God please move her. Please move Regina Ann* out of this. Father God, what can I do or say? Father God, please move her and pull her out. I am trying to hear from you Lord and just wanting to know what to do for her or how can I assist? God what job are we suppose to get? I keep receiving TriBeCa but how true is it? Is that something that I’m projecting, if it is then I surrender it. I surrender all things. Father God, I just want to know what to do next. Father God please move my sister. Please move her out and pull her out. I keep receiving that she is not going with them, now I’m getting she is. God I just want your truths about all things. Father God. What am I to do? What am I to say? I’m offering my heart and my life, just please pull Regina Ann out, please God. I have some layer of peace and I don’t know why? But I choose to trust and cling to it.

 
God when I ask you about going to a shelter, you said she’s not, now I’m getting she is? Which one is it? What is the true? What is even true about all of this. And then hearing about those dudes. I don’t care if they are real or not. Please free my sister God. Please move her. Please pull her out and just move her. Please God. Please God. I don’t know what else to say. If you want me to stop thinking about that man or even anything else then I lay it down. I lay Regina Ann down, I lay the other man down but just pull her out of this God. Please pull her out. I even lay myself down God, please pull her out. 

Lord I lay down all the selfish ambitions that I may have. I just choose to trust you. Show me how to no longer live in fear. Show me how to no longer just walk through the fear that my father and mother have played on me. Father God show me how to leave it all behind. I am trusting you and leaping and truly leaving it all behind. Father God, I say yes to you and I submit to your ways. I understand that I have severe control issues that I choose to let go of, because it is just hindering me and blocking me from truly hearing from you. Father God, I pray that you see this prayer as I declare to no longer cling to what I know. To no longer trust that money is the answer because it’s not. To no longer trust that living with my parents is the answer because it is not. Father God, I come to you in trusting you on what is next. Father God, you lead me and I will follow. I just say yes God, no matter what happens, I just say yes. I trust you. Amen 

I can’t do anything for her. I can’t be there. My hero complex is dismantled. There’s no saving a life for me when God hasn’t set me up to do so. I can’t save her. The god complex that I was carrying is dying through Regina Ann walking through what she is. Does it hurt enough for me God? Because I’m still crippled by fear. I’m still giving the enemy access, and full range to hinder me the way that I’m allowing him to with my fears. 

I gave advice that was said in fear and panic, “stash your phone inside of you”. God my fear is related to not having trust in you. I’m even fearful of my parents still, and how to still be there for Regina Ann. I’m like a little girl around them trying to hide my business and keep secrets. I’m so tormented because I’m feeding the wrong things. I need to choose freedom. I pray that I am. I understand that my fear for my parents causes me to remain childlike, and not be able to be present or mature in difficult situations. The thinking of “what will my parents say?” is what grips me so well God. I need you. I don’t know what else to say or do. Because being this fearful hinders me from being able to lead in any capacity, but also how am I suppose to be there for that man? I can’t be. I’m not there. And that’s the cold hearted reality. Father God, only you know when it will hurt enough for me to let go of this fear, that I’ve danced with for so long. The song has stopped, but I’m still on the dance floor. It’s just wrong and God I pray it stops. 

At 1:45 am, God you have my sister as we said goodnight.  

4/18/17

Waking up realizing that I’ve been living in my own homeless shelter. I’ve been living with parents who are clocking the next time that I ‘make it big’ to help them. The set up is communal when still enough to notice, and see how my parents gave up on the upkeep of their house years ago. Now it’s just about what do I do next God? What now for real?

I’ve been abused since a toddler. My mother recalls always how I was burned and afflicted by a babysitter. She always tells the story, but for some reason today that same story did something to my heart. That same story I surrender and give to you, and I pray for my mother to have peace with those early childhood moments in my life. I pray for my peace as well God. I pray to no longer carry those burdens around. The fear may have started since then, and full fledge manifested until now but I have to leave those instances in the past. 

4/19/17

A lot has happened in over a month God. A lot continues to develop. It’s 3am and I’m just walking through this time praising you, and choosing love and leaping into your arms with the unknown. Father God, the way that fear grips and controls us is like a vomit skin that is being worn around, and if one were to take a step back and observe oneself. I’ve seen it for myself. I was wearing that vomit rug or skin. Thank you God for pulling it off me. Thank you God for showing me that your love is truth. Thank you God. You saved me, and then sings my soul. 

No longer am I looking at the choices to my left or right or in my head, but I need you Father. I need you voice. 

4/21/17

Father God, I let go of all the broken and toxic upbringing of my parents. I can’t carry their broken burdens any longer. Father God, i let them all go, even my sister. Father God I come to you just wanting you to move me from my current temp address. This house is not a home, its truly is Haitian shelter. I can’t be here any longer God. Please remove me and Regina Ann out from our current spaces. 

4/22/17

The mind games that I play have resumed themselves. I’ve taken pleasure in the dysfunction and chaos between Regina Ann and I because I believe that it’s healthy. It’s healthy to have the constant up and down because then there’s love. If there’s this constant mess then I will see God clean It up my way-meaning I control the outcome. The truth is I wasn’t interested in being better or healthier, I was more focused on the vomit and clinging to what I know. Because through what I know I can see the outcome, there’s no leap or free falling. But then again, Abba, I’m here in the space of it hurting enough. It hurts enough to say that I can no longer be this way. It hurts enough to choose you over my weeds and brokenness of comfort. You began to open up my eyes to see that there is more, when I truly let go of the door that you’re closing to open the new one with more that ever before. I push to be more sensitive to the spirit than ever before. I have to seek you, and when I do my eyes see your truth. I can’t go back to before, it hurts enough to want healthy and godly above all.

*denote name change for privacy purposes. 

Prayer Entry #2 — November 26, 2016

Prayer Entry #2

11/23/16

Father God, I come to lift up my sister Nicole* in prayer. Father God be with her as you have been prompting her with truths that she has been ignoring. Continue to be the one to guide her path to be align with you, and not lean on her own understanding. Move her out of her own way God. Father God, show her that your love is the healing and the meal that she needs. What she is looking for will not be satisfy somewhere else, but only in you. Lord you have this, take the wheel on her life. I lift her up to you because you are the Father of the perfect Son, who gave the world the blood to change us. To shed us. Shed her old wine skin Lord, to a new one. Shed her ways Lord to new ones to look more like you. Father, part the seas in her life to find freedom in Jesus. I pray for her peace Lord. Amen. 

Note: I’ve been wrestling with God with posting my prayers. I felt that they should be kept hidden, but as God continues to work in me and my vulnerability, I surrender the control of me holding myself back from others on who God is calling me to be. As I am lead or heart pressed to write prayers for my brothers and sisters in Christ, I know that God is pushing me outside of my comfort zone. 

(* denotes name change for privacy reasons)

Prayer Entry #1 — October 30, 2016

Prayer Entry #1

Father God be with your daughter, you know every strand on her head, just be with her God. She needs you in facing the realities of her decisions, and understanding what you’ve allowed her to walk through, is all part of her purpose and testimony. 

Father God, be with your daughter as she begins to transition to womanhood, from the in between phase she’s in now. Be with your daughter as she chooses to trust you, and lean on you as you guide her. Father I pray through her revelations, she open eyes, and she sees that she cannot do this on her own. 

Her reject for needing help from others, creates the self-made facades of false dependence. She cannot do this on her own. Father God, surround her with sisters, and her family who will truly push her to draw closer to you God. Push your daughter to see things from your views of infinite wisdom. 

Father God, lead this beautiful daughter down your ways and paths. For as we all once thought we knew better than you God, when the truth is, we never will. Father God, you have her and thy will be done. Thy kingdom come. In Jesus name, we say amen.


Note
: God has pressed it on my heart to start writing out prayers for his daughters, my sisters. So this is the first entry. I am truly shock that God is creating this space in my blog dedicated to prayers for his daughters. I am in awe as he will take over and put the words in my heart to write out. God you lead I just say yes to your plans for this blog. Amen. 

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